Losing Self...
Fuck... i'm killing myself here. i mean i love college, it's fucking great. it's just that some vital things are missing. i'm trying to make up for it and trying to find substitutes, but it's just not working. i don't have privacy here, i don't have space for myself to work out and practice, there's always some one around. i can't do my martial arts because there will always be some one there to ask me to do something for them. i mean granted i do love that stuff the way people react. but i never got anywhere by purely showing off. i learned by being by myself and working on it in privacy unafraid to mess up. because when i messed up no one would be around to distract me and say something stupid about my bail. i just can't concentrate. and now i'm getting so used to being around people that when i am alone... and i'm working out or just plain working, i actually feel alone. i'm just walking into a trap. and i don't know how to avoid it. now i know some of u out there are probably thinking to yourself "what about the capoeira club?" to be honest as much as i'm loving it. it's just not the same. capoeira is something basically new to me. i can learn that in a large group. but for what i already know i don't want to forget and i need to be alone to learn, relearn, and to perfect and better myself. tonight. i tried to practice. and i can't get the off the wall turning round house. and i just couldn't get the height or the spin. i tried some other kicks. and i ended up smacking my left shin into a concrete block. *sigh*. i need encouragement. and if any of u can give it to me. it's greatly appreciated. and for those especially who bothered to read all of this. Thank you, not many people bother to listen to me anymore.