so this would be one of those moments that suck.
Really truly, painfully suck. A part of me feels broken, shattered with every piece splintered and lost. This hurts so much i can't stop crying - it comes to me in odd moments, sitting here I hold my breath waiting for it to all become a dream.
He broke up with me. I feel seventeen again and like this is the end of the world. I am a strong person in my own quiet way - I trust this with an unerring sense of what I know about myself: I love without conditions, I am loyal without reservations, I care so much sometimes it hurt, I handle details and desires, I have a beautiful welcoming smile, I love reading books to small children. But this - this brings out the weakest, most desperate part of myself. I want to be strong about this, say, screw you, but it hurts too much. If I thought begging out help I'd be there in a second with a forlorn look on my face. But all he says is "no, we're over."
he tells me I'm not enough... enough for what I want to scream - but I know the answer, I'm not loved... he doesn't love me, he never has, and now that he's thinking about settling down I don't fit that picture. But this hurts, it's like a stab or a bruise that wont stop bleeding.
I want out, out of this body, out of this life, out of this pain that overwhelms me until I feel like I'm drowning.
I try to tell myself to step back, think of all the reasons we weren't working anyway - he couldn't say he loved me... that was the hardest part. I hate being twenty-two and feeling unloved. I hate that I've spent 2.5 years in a relationship where I secretly felt lonely.
this sucks and I don't see the morning being better.
He broke up with me. I feel seventeen again and like this is the end of the world. I am a strong person in my own quiet way - I trust this with an unerring sense of what I know about myself: I love without conditions, I am loyal without reservations, I care so much sometimes it hurt, I handle details and desires, I have a beautiful welcoming smile, I love reading books to small children. But this - this brings out the weakest, most desperate part of myself. I want to be strong about this, say, screw you, but it hurts too much. If I thought begging out help I'd be there in a second with a forlorn look on my face. But all he says is "no, we're over."
he tells me I'm not enough... enough for what I want to scream - but I know the answer, I'm not loved... he doesn't love me, he never has, and now that he's thinking about settling down I don't fit that picture. But this hurts, it's like a stab or a bruise that wont stop bleeding.
I want out, out of this body, out of this life, out of this pain that overwhelms me until I feel like I'm drowning.
I try to tell myself to step back, think of all the reasons we weren't working anyway - he couldn't say he loved me... that was the hardest part. I hate being twenty-two and feeling unloved. I hate that I've spent 2.5 years in a relationship where I secretly felt lonely.
this sucks and I don't see the morning being better.