still thinking on what she said. [from a couple of days ago]
i reread what she said, and it's hard for me to not see what she says... for me to not respond by wanting to pull in and retreat from the world until i'm a little bit more sure of myself.
I'm still angry at him for his angry message that morning, and feeling confused and attacked.
I'm still angry that somehow they manage to make it feel like it's my fault... for not contacting her when she's not contactable?
i'm angry that she was actually able to say the truth because i can't hate her for that.
Hobi in my ballet class looks exactly like her - some part of me is facinated by her when she dances... but some part of me wants to dislike her because of who she reminds me of.
i woke up this morning terrified by my nightmare... and somehow dead.
things are beginning to feel less weird between us... and i'm happier.
I'm still angry at him for his angry message that morning, and feeling confused and attacked.
I'm still angry that somehow they manage to make it feel like it's my fault... for not contacting her when she's not contactable?
i'm angry that she was actually able to say the truth because i can't hate her for that.
Hobi in my ballet class looks exactly like her - some part of me is facinated by her when she dances... but some part of me wants to dislike her because of who she reminds me of.
i woke up this morning terrified by my nightmare... and somehow dead.
things are beginning to feel less weird between us... and i'm happier.