someone I wish for.
We talk for hours. Random things. Jokes we both remember. bits and pieces of our days. It's playful, intelligent, fun, sweet. And I know I care about him deeply. I listen while he tries to batter his way through someone he likes - complains that he'll never find the perfect girl, and I want to scream to him - maybe you have. Maybe our conversations, our understandings, maybe they mean something more than an amazing friendship.
But instead I shut up. Right now is not the right time, he has things of his own, and like the rest, he just needs someone to listen to him, to understand him. I'm good at that. I'll listen, i'll give my responses and I'll shut up. Is it that I fall into like too easily? or that there is something there?
i know that late at night is our time. I try to disconnect from him during the day, deal with the constant flow in and out, sort work and do useful things - but still, in the back of my mind I trust that (usually) we'll have that time when the rest of the world is sleeping, and the other half is waking up. We have that brief interlude to just be ourselves. He'll ask me how my day was and we'll talk through the details, the ups and downs. My responses to things that never make sense at the time. Am I writing what I want in my ideal relationship around him, or does he just fit it perfectly?
he gives me a sense of peace. A quiet that I trust. What a contrast. No scary secrets, no one else in my life who I'm hurting. Nothing that colors it, shifts it, or harms it. And the server is our baby. Yes it's mostly mine - but he's still there, helping out, giving me council, talking to people. "I"m defending my honor" "I'M THE KNIGHT" "fine, defend my honor" he's the one I process things with each night. And when he's not around I miss him. I feel like he's so much of what I want...
But I am quiet for now. It's safer, I'm unsure. insecure and not ready to try to make him understand when he seems so distant on that subject.
btw, it's eric/rvg for those who need to know who
But instead I shut up. Right now is not the right time, he has things of his own, and like the rest, he just needs someone to listen to him, to understand him. I'm good at that. I'll listen, i'll give my responses and I'll shut up. Is it that I fall into like too easily? or that there is something there?
i know that late at night is our time. I try to disconnect from him during the day, deal with the constant flow in and out, sort work and do useful things - but still, in the back of my mind I trust that (usually) we'll have that time when the rest of the world is sleeping, and the other half is waking up. We have that brief interlude to just be ourselves. He'll ask me how my day was and we'll talk through the details, the ups and downs. My responses to things that never make sense at the time. Am I writing what I want in my ideal relationship around him, or does he just fit it perfectly?
he gives me a sense of peace. A quiet that I trust. What a contrast. No scary secrets, no one else in my life who I'm hurting. Nothing that colors it, shifts it, or harms it. And the server is our baby. Yes it's mostly mine - but he's still there, helping out, giving me council, talking to people. "I"m defending my honor" "I'M THE KNIGHT" "fine, defend my honor" he's the one I process things with each night. And when he's not around I miss him. I feel like he's so much of what I want...
But I am quiet for now. It's safer, I'm unsure. insecure and not ready to try to make him understand when he seems so distant on that subject.
btw, it's eric/rvg for those who need to know who