(no subject)
MY HEART IS BROKEN. At nine thirty am I lost my best friend..my "soulmate." I don't know how I'm going to bear walking into this house and not be greeted by Chateau. We've only been apart five days, in her entire life,and that was when I was hospitalized earlier this year. For nineteen years we touched each other, spoke to each other, slept next to each other. I didn't want to have to make the decision to euthanize her, but she was in such bad after what appeared to be a stroke. I held her all wednesday nite. I held her all day yesterday. I swaddled her in blankets and begged for her to get better. I forced sleep last nite after I made sure she was as comfortable as she could be in a "crib" of soft towels and blankets. Jim and I talked it over. Eventually I made the decision. Her body was limp, her normally bright blue eyes were black. She had already gone but her heart was pumping and she was breathing. I woke up at seven am, showered, sat with her, talked to her, and for the last time I brushed her coat and touched my cheek to hers as we often did. The vet said to come in anytime we were ready. We left home and in the sun I could see that she probably didn't even know I was here. At 9:30am her heart and breathing stopped. I held my hand there to make sure she was gone. The vet gently removed my hand and listened with a stethoscope. I put my hand back onto her heart. The vet picked her little five pound body up straightened the blanket under her and swaddled her like a new born baby. OH my god. I didn't want him to cover her head. I wanted to see her for as long as I could. When we got home Jim choose a beautiful place under one of our huge oak trees, I brought her body inside with me. I lined a box with towels and placed her in it. I tried to arrange her body so it looked natural, and for the last time ..FOREVER...I saw Chateau's face and slim body and beautiful siamese coat. Jim filled in the grave and picked a pink flower growing nearby and arranged it around a small log we put there. Jim had to leave town tonight, I am alone. I am scared. I don't know how to cope. She is gone and I cant get over it. I love her.