(no subject)
I'm wishing I could hear more from Cassidy. Worried about loosing touch. I guess I shouldn't be. I might call him today.
I have completely lost touch with what I had planned for myself. My future. I thought I had it all figured out at one point and felt like I could just ride along until I reach my goals. It's not that easy naturally, even if you know what our goals are. I lost touch with those too. I have no idea what I want to do for a living.
There are things that look interesting to study, but none of them seem reasonable or something I would like doing for the rest of my life. Anthropology interests me at the moment but I have no intention on spending my life in that field, I don't even really understand what I would be doing in that field. Besides that's just my current thing, chances are I will be over it in a few months and then be interested in psychology again, and then maybe astronomy again or photography.
I always figured no matter what I do I could make my living making movies about it. Documentaries for NOVA or Front-line. Or taking what I would know and make fiction out it, make a cool geeky thriller. I think about sitting around trying to organize ideas for such things and realize that it would be the biggest pain in the ass ever, and probably for nothing.
No matter what I feel would be good for me at any given time I can't help but think that I would be no good at it, or learn to hate it somehow. They all seem hard to reach.
School has become an enormous drag for me. This will be the third full season that I will be dropping out of, either due to laziness or a big lack of interests. Ironically, and I say that for my sake only, math class was the only thing I saw myself passing. Now I am going to drop that too because I fell behind on the studies and missed a test that I was just too lazy to make up. I got Aaron to give me the answers to too many homework's and lost track of what I was even suppose to understand. Now I look at the OL homework assignments and just say "psh, fuck that shit."
I need to get out and get a steady income job. This temp/freelance stuff is leaving me at home doing far too much nothing.
I have completely lost touch with what I had planned for myself. My future. I thought I had it all figured out at one point and felt like I could just ride along until I reach my goals. It's not that easy naturally, even if you know what our goals are. I lost touch with those too. I have no idea what I want to do for a living.
There are things that look interesting to study, but none of them seem reasonable or something I would like doing for the rest of my life. Anthropology interests me at the moment but I have no intention on spending my life in that field, I don't even really understand what I would be doing in that field. Besides that's just my current thing, chances are I will be over it in a few months and then be interested in psychology again, and then maybe astronomy again or photography.
I always figured no matter what I do I could make my living making movies about it. Documentaries for NOVA or Front-line. Or taking what I would know and make fiction out it, make a cool geeky thriller. I think about sitting around trying to organize ideas for such things and realize that it would be the biggest pain in the ass ever, and probably for nothing.
No matter what I feel would be good for me at any given time I can't help but think that I would be no good at it, or learn to hate it somehow. They all seem hard to reach.
School has become an enormous drag for me. This will be the third full season that I will be dropping out of, either due to laziness or a big lack of interests. Ironically, and I say that for my sake only, math class was the only thing I saw myself passing. Now I am going to drop that too because I fell behind on the studies and missed a test that I was just too lazy to make up. I got Aaron to give me the answers to too many homework's and lost track of what I was even suppose to understand. Now I look at the OL homework assignments and just say "psh, fuck that shit."
I need to get out and get a steady income job. This temp/freelance stuff is leaving me at home doing far too much nothing.