Let's denounce some bullshit
I was originally going to post this as a reply on myspace but I decided this was a better forum:
Girls say this, I say this back.
1. Don't tell us when you think other girls are hot.
a. honesty is the best policy
2. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
a. if the shows sucks, running commentary is required to keep my brain my flatlining. see: Everwood, the O.C.
3. If you don't act like soap-opera guys, don't expect us to dress like Victoria Secret models.
a. Most soap opera guys don't have legitimate jobs on their shows, I don't have one either, does that count?
4. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
a. Anniversaries should be yearly, never monthly.
5. There is no such thing as too much cuddeling.
humans require sleep, bodies cannot rest comfortably in the spooning position.
6. Just because you L the C doesn't mean we have to S the D.
a. Do unto others....
7. This is how we see it . . . Don't call = Don't Care.
a. If we don't call, we might be doing something which is keeping us from calling.
8. Which also means that if we don't call, take the hint.
9. We like you to be a little jealous . . . but overly possessive is not necessary.
a. If a guy is overly possessive of a girl, he is clearly unaware of how many girls exist.
10. Putting things in our butt does not turn us on.
11. Return favors: we massage, you massage; we go down, you go down; we shave, you shave (and not just your face).
a.Doesn't this interfere with number 6?
12. Foreplay is not an option . . . its a prerequisite.
13. We're allowed to be late . . . you are not.
a. Not on the monthly visitor.
14. Eye contact is key.
15. Don't take longer to get ready than we do.
a. I don't know a single man who takes longer than a girl. most of the time we're delaying our exit to make up for the time it take a girl to get ready and make us sit there waiting.
16. Laugh at our jokes.
a. But most of them aren't funny and are lifted directly from "The View."
17. Three words . . . honesty, honesty, honesty.
a. That's one word three times.
18. Girls can be groupies. Guy groupies are stalkers.
a. So girls can beg for famous cock but guys can't move on a famous girl?
19. We never have to wonder if your orgasm was real.
a. You just have to get us there.
20. Do not start with us. You will not win.
a. That's because women deny when they're wrong.
21. Would you like it if a guy treated your sister that way? We didn't think so.
22. If you ask nicely, we usually answer the same way.
a. No matter how I ask I get the same answer.
23. We will never have enough clothes or shoes!
a. But eventually we won't be able to pay for any more of it for you.
24. We have an excuse to act bitchy at least once a month.
a. Not our fault, go get cranky at God.
25. Open the door for us no matter where we are . . . even at our house and getting into the car.
26. We love surprises!
a. No you don't. If that were true spontaneous sex woud be welcomed.
27. We liked to be kissed softly, not with an iron tongue.
a. If my tongue were made of iron, how would I eat?
28.Pay attention to the little things we do, because they mean the most.
29. Boxers and maybe boxer briefs sometiems . . . NEVER whitey-tighties, NEVER!
a. high cuts, boyshorts, thongs......never Granny Panties!
30. Clean your room before we come over.
a. It's cleaner than it was before you came over, trust me.
31. Always bursh your teeth before you see us . . . a fresh mouth and white teeth are a necessity.
32. When we use our teeth it means that you suck at going down on us, so we are just returning the favor.
a. This is a violation of trust and absolutely wrong.
33. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we still love you with everything we are.
a. How holier than thou.
34. Hit it and quit it, because later I'll be with you're best friend and he lasts for hours.
a. Yeah, because we're not supposed to even look at other girls, meanwhile you're contemplating sleeping with our friends.
35. Don't act hard around your friends because I won't make you hard tonight.
a. That's why we leave you at home.
36. Sometimes "NO!" really means "NO!"
37. "Wife Beaters" are not an adequate form of fashion.
a. Could've fooled half of Long Island.
38. If we wanted to be on video tape, we'd be a porn star not your girlfriend.
a. But for some reason when a television camera comes around, you'll do anything to be on film!
39. Sensitive guys are great . . . but crying more than we do in a movie just isn't right.
40. Don't let ex-girlfriends cause drama, relationships are stressful enough.
a. Keep the Ex as an ex, away from you and me.
41. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays.
42. Guys who are good cuddlers = guys who know how to satisfy a woman.
a. This is just bullshit.
43. "Fat Chicks" have feelings too.
a. They can feel all they want, away from me.
44. Silent treatment, shoulder shrugs, tears, yelling and nasty looks all add up to . . . YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!
a. And can also be equated with 1st grade mentalities.
45. If you are not a good dancer, please be self-aware.
46. Just because a girl doesn't pick up on the first ring doesn't mean she's not waiting by the phone.
47. You don't have to spend a lot, if it means a lot.
a. But they'll make a much bigger deal if it cost you alot.
48. Don't say you love me if you don't mean it.
49. Don't lie to us . . . we will catch you.
50. When the girls get together, we talk about EVERYTHING. Meaning my best friends know everything about you.
a. Not if they don't know who I am.
Girls say this, I say this back.
1. Don't tell us when you think other girls are hot.
a. honesty is the best policy
2. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
a. if the shows sucks, running commentary is required to keep my brain my flatlining. see: Everwood, the O.C.
3. If you don't act like soap-opera guys, don't expect us to dress like Victoria Secret models.
a. Most soap opera guys don't have legitimate jobs on their shows, I don't have one either, does that count?
4. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
a. Anniversaries should be yearly, never monthly.
5. There is no such thing as too much cuddeling.
humans require sleep, bodies cannot rest comfortably in the spooning position.
6. Just because you L the C doesn't mean we have to S the D.
a. Do unto others....
7. This is how we see it . . . Don't call = Don't Care.
a. If we don't call, we might be doing something which is keeping us from calling.
8. Which also means that if we don't call, take the hint.
9. We like you to be a little jealous . . . but overly possessive is not necessary.
a. If a guy is overly possessive of a girl, he is clearly unaware of how many girls exist.
10. Putting things in our butt does not turn us on.
11. Return favors: we massage, you massage; we go down, you go down; we shave, you shave (and not just your face).
a.Doesn't this interfere with number 6?
12. Foreplay is not an option . . . its a prerequisite.
13. We're allowed to be late . . . you are not.
a. Not on the monthly visitor.
14. Eye contact is key.
15. Don't take longer to get ready than we do.
a. I don't know a single man who takes longer than a girl. most of the time we're delaying our exit to make up for the time it take a girl to get ready and make us sit there waiting.
16. Laugh at our jokes.
a. But most of them aren't funny and are lifted directly from "The View."
17. Three words . . . honesty, honesty, honesty.
a. That's one word three times.
18. Girls can be groupies. Guy groupies are stalkers.
a. So girls can beg for famous cock but guys can't move on a famous girl?
19. We never have to wonder if your orgasm was real.
a. You just have to get us there.
20. Do not start with us. You will not win.
a. That's because women deny when they're wrong.
21. Would you like it if a guy treated your sister that way? We didn't think so.
22. If you ask nicely, we usually answer the same way.
a. No matter how I ask I get the same answer.
23. We will never have enough clothes or shoes!
a. But eventually we won't be able to pay for any more of it for you.
24. We have an excuse to act bitchy at least once a month.
a. Not our fault, go get cranky at God.
25. Open the door for us no matter where we are . . . even at our house and getting into the car.
26. We love surprises!
a. No you don't. If that were true spontaneous sex woud be welcomed.
27. We liked to be kissed softly, not with an iron tongue.
a. If my tongue were made of iron, how would I eat?
28.Pay attention to the little things we do, because they mean the most.
29. Boxers and maybe boxer briefs sometiems . . . NEVER whitey-tighties, NEVER!
a. high cuts, boyshorts, thongs......never Granny Panties!
30. Clean your room before we come over.
a. It's cleaner than it was before you came over, trust me.
31. Always bursh your teeth before you see us . . . a fresh mouth and white teeth are a necessity.
32. When we use our teeth it means that you suck at going down on us, so we are just returning the favor.
a. This is a violation of trust and absolutely wrong.
33. Even though you are sometimes insensitive and hurt us, we still love you with everything we are.
a. How holier than thou.
34. Hit it and quit it, because later I'll be with you're best friend and he lasts for hours.
a. Yeah, because we're not supposed to even look at other girls, meanwhile you're contemplating sleeping with our friends.
35. Don't act hard around your friends because I won't make you hard tonight.
a. That's why we leave you at home.
36. Sometimes "NO!" really means "NO!"
37. "Wife Beaters" are not an adequate form of fashion.
a. Could've fooled half of Long Island.
38. If we wanted to be on video tape, we'd be a porn star not your girlfriend.
a. But for some reason when a television camera comes around, you'll do anything to be on film!
39. Sensitive guys are great . . . but crying more than we do in a movie just isn't right.
40. Don't let ex-girlfriends cause drama, relationships are stressful enough.
a. Keep the Ex as an ex, away from you and me.
41. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget birthdays.
42. Guys who are good cuddlers = guys who know how to satisfy a woman.
a. This is just bullshit.
43. "Fat Chicks" have feelings too.
a. They can feel all they want, away from me.
44. Silent treatment, shoulder shrugs, tears, yelling and nasty looks all add up to . . . YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!
a. And can also be equated with 1st grade mentalities.
45. If you are not a good dancer, please be self-aware.
46. Just because a girl doesn't pick up on the first ring doesn't mean she's not waiting by the phone.
47. You don't have to spend a lot, if it means a lot.
a. But they'll make a much bigger deal if it cost you alot.
48. Don't say you love me if you don't mean it.
49. Don't lie to us . . . we will catch you.
50. When the girls get together, we talk about EVERYTHING. Meaning my best friends know everything about you.
a. Not if they don't know who I am.