go for broke.
I have gotten myself out of bed so many times with an idea in mind, a random thought that has clear direction and a pathway that leads all the way to the end. So i wander about the house, go outside, have a smoke and think it through. and i sit down here and it's almost like a case of stage fright, it becomes so real when you start hitting the keys that you freeze up, slow down, lose the thought. So now i feel like i have to coax it out, keep writing till i can find the path and follow it to the end. There are so many twists and turns though, once that first key is on the screen. i was watching Garden state and i was thinking about the strangeness in the everyday, the absurdity of our interactions with other people, about the beauty in simplicity.
i love the simple.
Every man, or person i suppose goes though life, making our way through the everyday, setting goals for the future that they can either fail at or succeed in accomplishing, really it doesn't matter as every time you complete something you find yourself back at the beginning, thinking about the next goal. i have had one goal for so long and i keep putting it off, keeping changing it. i just don't know where to begin to take the steps necessary to success or failure. I know it starts here, with this keyboard, with this blank screen, but i get so caught up in trying to live that i can't seem to make time for it. i feel lost and confused, trying to do what i think i should be doing rather than just doing this, outlining, writing, characters. My life isn't special or unique. i am not special or unique. But for so long the figures of athority in my life have told me that i am that i don't know who to belive anymore.
i want to give up, to leave this place. i want to do what the great writers did and go east over the sea and live fairy tale lives, write about women and men and places that exist in smokey bars and dark cafes. It's either that or go back to drinking a fifth a day. But it's unacceptable, unreal to just go with nothing. how would i live, how could i live that life? i'm not going to get by with quick wit and roguish charm, i can't surive on dreams and whimsical ramblings. With no degree and no formal education......
i am becoming hopeless, lost, confused.
someday.
i love the simple.
Every man, or person i suppose goes though life, making our way through the everyday, setting goals for the future that they can either fail at or succeed in accomplishing, really it doesn't matter as every time you complete something you find yourself back at the beginning, thinking about the next goal. i have had one goal for so long and i keep putting it off, keeping changing it. i just don't know where to begin to take the steps necessary to success or failure. I know it starts here, with this keyboard, with this blank screen, but i get so caught up in trying to live that i can't seem to make time for it. i feel lost and confused, trying to do what i think i should be doing rather than just doing this, outlining, writing, characters. My life isn't special or unique. i am not special or unique. But for so long the figures of athority in my life have told me that i am that i don't know who to belive anymore.
i want to give up, to leave this place. i want to do what the great writers did and go east over the sea and live fairy tale lives, write about women and men and places that exist in smokey bars and dark cafes. It's either that or go back to drinking a fifth a day. But it's unacceptable, unreal to just go with nothing. how would i live, how could i live that life? i'm not going to get by with quick wit and roguish charm, i can't surive on dreams and whimsical ramblings. With no degree and no formal education......
i am becoming hopeless, lost, confused.
someday.