(no subject)
so, really is this the one shot that i get at life?
that has been my buring question lately, because i really want a fucking do-over.
just one rewind to about eightteen years old, and all the knowledge that i have gained, not the memories, just the knowledge of "hey, this is not a good fucking idea, do it diffrent."
what if that is what life is all about? a cycle, and we are all just at the begining of it? that we will die and be born again into the same time, but slightly diffrent lives? where our forefathers had mad diffrent descisions, our parents had used condoms and we were born later or forgot and we came even earlier? but for some reason we all had new insight, on life and spirtuality?
just one chance to make it all different? would you do that? would you live your life again on terms that you created now, but lived out later? to be able to change just one or two things over the course of your life to make living it what you think it ought to be? like a survey that you filled out in line, "what are three things you would change about yourself to make you a better self in the next redux of your life?"
god damn, i sure as fuck would.
i am having a huge problem with my mortality right now, i think thats all it is. i am so afriad of living this all out with all the regrets and lost promises. i'm scared as hell of the day when i will never feel the sun on my face and grass under my toes. i'm so afraid of this mold of socity i have been pushed into that never will let me break free. i'm afraid that i made the wrong decision about a supreme being and that i'm fucked when it all ends.
whatever. good luck, good night.
that has been my buring question lately, because i really want a fucking do-over.
just one rewind to about eightteen years old, and all the knowledge that i have gained, not the memories, just the knowledge of "hey, this is not a good fucking idea, do it diffrent."
what if that is what life is all about? a cycle, and we are all just at the begining of it? that we will die and be born again into the same time, but slightly diffrent lives? where our forefathers had mad diffrent descisions, our parents had used condoms and we were born later or forgot and we came even earlier? but for some reason we all had new insight, on life and spirtuality?
just one chance to make it all different? would you do that? would you live your life again on terms that you created now, but lived out later? to be able to change just one or two things over the course of your life to make living it what you think it ought to be? like a survey that you filled out in line, "what are three things you would change about yourself to make you a better self in the next redux of your life?"
god damn, i sure as fuck would.
i am having a huge problem with my mortality right now, i think thats all it is. i am so afriad of living this all out with all the regrets and lost promises. i'm scared as hell of the day when i will never feel the sun on my face and grass under my toes. i'm so afraid of this mold of socity i have been pushed into that never will let me break free. i'm afraid that i made the wrong decision about a supreme being and that i'm fucked when it all ends.
whatever. good luck, good night.