We're racing with the wind, and the feeling that I'm under

[soliloquygirl91]

Thought of the Day:At what point does it become unhealthy to make friendships with other people online? When does it become damaging? If you start to value "online friends" more than "real life" friends, then what happens if an online friend suddenly drops off the face of the planet? Is it unhealthy to form a dependence upon the support and advice

Comments

[soliloquygirl91]

I see what you're saying, definitely. There's always been a stigma against the concept of online friends, and I agree completely, that's starting to really change. What worries me is that I absolutely am becoming more and more certain that none of the people I know in real life "get" me. And then I stumble across ONTD_AI, and am thinking, "Holy shit, who would have thought that I would find a bunch of people who think pretty much the way I do and relate to me in an AMERICAN IDOL FAN COMMUNITY." I mean, really, what are the chances? It sounds so strange.

And then, by the same token, I'm worried about getting close to these people, because they might seem amazing and perfect, but they might let me down like everyone else. And THEN I start to think, what if people aren't letting me down, what if I'm creating unrealistic expectations of what a friend should be? What if I'm creating this self-fulfilling prophecy of people disappointing me to justify never attempting to get close to anyone? Oh my god, do I have trust issues? Oh my god, seriously, I am just realizing this. Crap, how did this happen?

I completely admire the fact that you stay in touch with people like that. And I completely agree as well that one of the best parts about online friends is the conversation, you can be more open and really get to know someone.

For you, what makes you really feel that the friendships are just as valid and deep?

Oh, crap. Another novel of a comment. I really need to learn the art of making things brief and coherent. :/ And btw sorry for dragging you into the black abyss of confusion and paranoia that is my mind.

[anandrine]

What worries me is that I absolutely am becoming more and more certain that none of the people I know in real life "get" me. And then I stumble across ONTD_AI, and am thinking, "Holy shit, who would have thought that I would find a bunch of people who think pretty much the way I do and relate to me in an AMERICAN IDOL FAN COMMUNITY." I mean, really, what are the chances? It sounds so strange.

Yeah, it's definitely weird in an amazing way. But sometimes you just don't have access to people who ~get you~ in "real life." It can just be because of where you are or because of your interests or something. It happens all the time, we just now have access to something that can connect us with other people in other places who we do relate to on that level. :)

And then, by the same token, I'm worried about getting close to these people, because they might seem amazing and perfect, but they might let me down like everyone else. And THEN I start to think, what if people aren't letting me down, what if I'm creating unrealistic expectations of what a friend should be?

Haha, I can't tell you if you have trust issues, but I think that kind of reaction is normal. I know I do it sometimes. You just meet awesome people, and you want them to be 100% awesome, which, yeah, sets you up for disappointment because no one can be perfect. I've had to learn to accept, too, that no one I meet, anywhere, is going to be perfect.

That said, as long as you have realistic expectations, I don't think you'll be let down. Okay, sure, some people are bound to, but in general, I don't think so. I've met/hung out with people I've met through fandom and they've been just as (or even more!) amazing as they were when it was ~just online~. :)

For you, what makes you really feel that the friendships are just as valid and deep?

lolitaray mentioned part of what makes it this way for me -- these people I've been friends with through years, and we stay friends despite the fact that we may have gone from sharing five fandoms to one or we may not share any fandoms, or we may share a fandom but have opposing viewpoints on it. The point there being that it's not about fandom or online anymore, because we've developed very real interests in each other and each others' lives. It's basically the same relationship, I think, as any in-person one except with the obvious distance/internet barrier.

And no worries, bb, it's something I've thought about myself! :)

[soliloquygirl91]

"You just meet awesome people, and you want them to be 100% awesome, which, yeah, sets you up for disappointment because no one can be perfect."

BRB, looking for the "Adam Lambert Exists: Your Argument is Invalid" macro.

And TY, bb. :)

[anandrine]

Ah, but I said "people." Adam's not really a person, or at least not a human person, since he is a glittery alien from planet fierce. :D

and no problem.