What now?
[ for _you_would ]
Suddenly, I feel very alone. I'm fighting with my best friend. My own sister has been too busy to pick up the phone all day, so I can't even talk to her about it. Fighting is probably the wrong word. There wasn't any yelling. Noone was really angry at anyone else. Carly and I could probably start talking again if I just picked up the phone and called her. Fighting isn't the right word... but I'm not quite sure what is. All I know is that I need a little bit of space right now. Just some space and time to sort out my priorities and get myself thinking straight.
Spending a week with Carly had been great, but I think it seriously skewed my perception of things.
With all of this "space" I was getting now, I had more than enough time to "sort things out." Since the night I walked out on Carly, I haven't done much aside from eat, sleep, and work. Occasionally I'd watch a movie. Maybe read the paper. Most of the hours I didn't spend sleeping were spent at the bar. Kip had conveniently decided to go on vacation, which gave me a decent excuse to pick up some extra hours and have some time to myself, away from Carly and everyone else.
God, how pathetic am I? A few years ago, I never would have been thinking like this. I might have been sad about Carly choosing Sam over me, but then I would have moved on. Easily. Let's face it, I've really got no reason to be bummed now -- she chose Sam a long time ago. That's never going to change. So why do I keep beating myself up about it? Back then, I would have shrugged it off and gone to find another girl who was interested in me. I never had to go very far to find one, honestly. So over the past couple of years, what changed? My feelings for Carly didn't. I've felt this way for a long while. Maybe all that time torturing myself over her and Sam is what did it. I never liked the idea, even though I knew there was nothing I could do about it.
I have to get over this. I have to move past this. I used to be able to move on so easily. Why not now?
I must be getting old.
I was working the bar alone that night, and business was slow. I couldn't say I minded much. I didn't feel like dealing with over-sharing drunks tonight. It's nights like this when I think I might be in the wrong business. Seriously.
((Open to Isabelle))
Suddenly, I feel very alone. I'm fighting with my best friend. My own sister has been too busy to pick up the phone all day, so I can't even talk to her about it. Fighting is probably the wrong word. There wasn't any yelling. Noone was really angry at anyone else. Carly and I could probably start talking again if I just picked up the phone and called her. Fighting isn't the right word... but I'm not quite sure what is. All I know is that I need a little bit of space right now. Just some space and time to sort out my priorities and get myself thinking straight.
Spending a week with Carly had been great, but I think it seriously skewed my perception of things.
With all of this "space" I was getting now, I had more than enough time to "sort things out." Since the night I walked out on Carly, I haven't done much aside from eat, sleep, and work. Occasionally I'd watch a movie. Maybe read the paper. Most of the hours I didn't spend sleeping were spent at the bar. Kip had conveniently decided to go on vacation, which gave me a decent excuse to pick up some extra hours and have some time to myself, away from Carly and everyone else.
God, how pathetic am I? A few years ago, I never would have been thinking like this. I might have been sad about Carly choosing Sam over me, but then I would have moved on. Easily. Let's face it, I've really got no reason to be bummed now -- she chose Sam a long time ago. That's never going to change. So why do I keep beating myself up about it? Back then, I would have shrugged it off and gone to find another girl who was interested in me. I never had to go very far to find one, honestly. So over the past couple of years, what changed? My feelings for Carly didn't. I've felt this way for a long while. Maybe all that time torturing myself over her and Sam is what did it. I never liked the idea, even though I knew there was nothing I could do about it.
I have to get over this. I have to move past this. I used to be able to move on so easily. Why not now?
I must be getting old.
I was working the bar alone that night, and business was slow. I couldn't say I minded much. I didn't feel like dealing with over-sharing drunks tonight. It's nights like this when I think I might be in the wrong business. Seriously.
((Open to Isabelle))