Reflections: The View Above My Steering Wheel
I'm looking forward to the new. I feel more centered, more focused and more aware of my needs and desires than I ever have before. I've diminished all the bad from my life in the last few years, or I have set myself up for the ability to decrease negativity. My priorities are not completely set in stone, but I understand that I'm not that type of person. I used to look at all the aspects of my personality that were different and I would judge them in a poor light - believing they were weaknesses or signs of complication. It is true only if I make it true.
My mind has been the barrier for me - the final wall I couldn't seem to cross. Refusal to admit this allowed for some unidentified source in my head to become my problem. So draining, extensively consuming - it's like eating at your self to find what it is that is making you rot and nothing is rotting, at all. Tricks and loopholes, shots and late nights. Spending my time finding a problem that I merely couldn't solve. Equations, divisons, multiplying time into a seemingly endless existence.
but - rock 'n roll! long car trips up and down mountains! sweat, breaking morning light, style in drips and swirls, no institutions, bottles of wine, the ocean, cowboy boots, brewed coffee in a tiny cup, orchestrations of every kind, running through the city, not having a home, blinking really fast, leaves, all the animals knowing, charcoal embedded in my fingers, a rock, watching trees rush by at ridiculous speeds, mimicking the greats but knowing just how fucking good you are and coming to that end all which is that you and I are better. there are more. there are lists, fingers, strands of hair.
hello, 2006. happy new year.
My mind has been the barrier for me - the final wall I couldn't seem to cross. Refusal to admit this allowed for some unidentified source in my head to become my problem. So draining, extensively consuming - it's like eating at your self to find what it is that is making you rot and nothing is rotting, at all. Tricks and loopholes, shots and late nights. Spending my time finding a problem that I merely couldn't solve. Equations, divisons, multiplying time into a seemingly endless existence.
but - rock 'n roll! long car trips up and down mountains! sweat, breaking morning light, style in drips and swirls, no institutions, bottles of wine, the ocean, cowboy boots, brewed coffee in a tiny cup, orchestrations of every kind, running through the city, not having a home, blinking really fast, leaves, all the animals knowing, charcoal embedded in my fingers, a rock, watching trees rush by at ridiculous speeds, mimicking the greats but knowing just how fucking good you are and coming to that end all which is that you and I are better. there are more. there are lists, fingers, strands of hair.
hello, 2006. happy new year.