But to keep it all real, it's kinda hurting me. I could say I’m done with it, but it lurks in me.
I haven't taken a shot in a long time. I prepared myself for it much like I prepared myself to go through the pain of a tattoo again.
I don't know what's going on today. I can't remember class much, I've had four to ten cups of coffee and/or tea every day for the last week, I feel like I'm spiraling a little. Nothing is making much sense to me these days.
I'm confused about a lot of things. Things are revealing themselves to me, but I can't see what they are, even though I'm looking right at them. I'm missing people I never thought I would miss; I miss pretending.
Shot two. I stare at it in disdain. I'm aging as I watch the clear liquid rippling with each word typed. I must be fifty by now, too old to be taking straight shots without a good, terrifying reason. But no, I'm still in my twenties, too young to not drink, but old enough to know better.
Sometimes I think my mentality is that of a thirty-two year old. Other times I'm fifteen. I don't know if I'll ever think in my age group.
Finally downed that shot. I can't keep the grimace off my face. I need to do this. I'm tired of being "one of those girls", the ones who don't go out, who don't have 'fun'. I want that; maybe wanting it proves that I am one of "them", but I cannot stay the way I am.
I cannot let myself stay alone with my thoughts for very much longer. I'm on the verge of falling in, and I'm done being stared at.
I don't know what's going on today. I can't remember class much, I've had four to ten cups of coffee and/or tea every day for the last week, I feel like I'm spiraling a little. Nothing is making much sense to me these days.
I'm confused about a lot of things. Things are revealing themselves to me, but I can't see what they are, even though I'm looking right at them. I'm missing people I never thought I would miss; I miss pretending.
Shot two. I stare at it in disdain. I'm aging as I watch the clear liquid rippling with each word typed. I must be fifty by now, too old to be taking straight shots without a good, terrifying reason. But no, I'm still in my twenties, too young to not drink, but old enough to know better.
Sometimes I think my mentality is that of a thirty-two year old. Other times I'm fifteen. I don't know if I'll ever think in my age group.
Finally downed that shot. I can't keep the grimace off my face. I need to do this. I'm tired of being "one of those girls", the ones who don't go out, who don't have 'fun'. I want that; maybe wanting it proves that I am one of "them", but I cannot stay the way I am.
I cannot let myself stay alone with my thoughts for very much longer. I'm on the verge of falling in, and I'm done being stared at.