(no subject)
Wtf... why... so fucking stupid.
I was just looking at that picture, and all the flashbacks of my falls on taht jump came back to me... I don't care if I sound dumb, you have no idea how much I want that feeling back. I'd rather over clear a jump, land in the dirt, break my wrists, endo over and hit my head causing me to pass out, and then get back up and try it again, instead of dealing with my emotions, which for some reason, I don't like getting back up and trying again... I'd rather stay down, cry awhile, and let it go. I wish I could apply my feelings for physical pain and wanting to achieve a goal, like clearing a jump, to my emotions. I wish I had away to vent out my shit. See, when you're biking, you're looking at the crazy jump in front of you, and you're scared... you don't want to get hurt, but the possibilities are there. You sit up at the top of the hill thinking about what's worth living for, and who cares if you get injured or not. Right now... I wouldn't even give it a thought, I would already be flying through the air, and how I come down makes no fucking difference to me.
I was just looking at that picture, and all the flashbacks of my falls on taht jump came back to me... I don't care if I sound dumb, you have no idea how much I want that feeling back. I'd rather over clear a jump, land in the dirt, break my wrists, endo over and hit my head causing me to pass out, and then get back up and try it again, instead of dealing with my emotions, which for some reason, I don't like getting back up and trying again... I'd rather stay down, cry awhile, and let it go. I wish I could apply my feelings for physical pain and wanting to achieve a goal, like clearing a jump, to my emotions. I wish I had away to vent out my shit. See, when you're biking, you're looking at the crazy jump in front of you, and you're scared... you don't want to get hurt, but the possibilities are there. You sit up at the top of the hill thinking about what's worth living for, and who cares if you get injured or not. Right now... I wouldn't even give it a thought, I would already be flying through the air, and how I come down makes no fucking difference to me.