I hate this

[solesworndown]

I hate this war between two of the most important people in my life. The self-hatred for wanting to spend time with him and not wanting to spend time with him. I wish a middle balance could be found, there in the middle of this mess they have created in my mind. I am tired of trying to find a solution, going to the extreme to please her and yet at the same time killing myself on the inside because I want to see him, feel as if I am missing half of myself because he is so far from me. Hearing his voice is a small comfort, texting another, but there is nothing to replace the feel of his arms around me, the smell, the presence of him enveloping me and creating a sensation of incredible security and comfort. Seeing him at the end of a long day is like coming home. I remember one day I had a stressful day and could not see him, my soul felt frazzled and stressed long after the stressful elements were eliminated from the picture. Yet i can have the most stressful day in my entire life and when I see him, when I hear him and feel him, I feel as if I don't have a care in the world. How can that be a bad thing?

"Three heavy stones, keep him from floating
We-igh it, do-own to the bottom-food for the fishes"
-Ex Lover's Lover by Voltaire