(no subject)
One day, when you find me dead, you'll know that it wasn't a murder but a suicde!! I hate my life!! My mum won't let me go to the movies with Paco or anything! She says I'm trying to grow up to fast. She said that the party wasn't gonna happen, and that If I kept up the complaining about the party, I'd be grounded on my birthday so that I wouldn't even be able to go to school. She says she loves me, but sometimes I really wonder if she does. O yeah! I wonder wheather Luke and I are going a couple or not. You know those relationships where no one has to say "are we going out?" and you automatically know you guys are? Well, I think that thats whats happening with us. Even so, I feel kinda bad about what happened today. This is what I wrote in my journal:
I just got out of computer. Alex might have ruined me and Luke. But, he gave me a hug today! It was sooo wonderful. I held onto him as long as I could before I had to let him go... If we hook-up, who know, we might, I'll probably have my first kiss with him. Oh I do hope so!! He' sooo funny and sweet! Kind of like honey?! oh so yummy! Well, Luke walks up to me and ask me when I m leaving. I say four but then Alex says "HEY! FIND SOMEONE ELSE! SHE'S TAKEN BY TOM FELTON!" Luke looked at me and then walked away. He didn't talk to me after that. I think he not know who Tom is. My photoshoot is in two days. I'm not sure if it's happining because of stupid money reasons.My party is also not working out. Yet, my mother has the amount of money to spend $250 dollars on baby clothes for my sisiter Dilcia. Yeah, I know it's her baby shower, but it's also my only 13th birthday forever!It makes me angrier than angry. I cut myself today, and the only reason why I didn't dig deeper, was becaue Luke came to mind and I relized that he's like one of the only people that I can think about and stop myself from cutting myself. On my birthday, Im gonna ask mum for a few bucks so that after school I could go back to school and get a pizza slice, then, I'd bring it back to school hidden in my backpack. Then, I'd get Luke out of whatever subject thingy he has, and we could find an empty class room where we could eat undisturbed. But, I have to find out which room would be good. Im thinking Carol (IVs) or Sandi (IVs) room. Ill have to check it out this Friday thats coming up/ Going to Little Red will also be awesome becaue Luke and I will be able to be together outside of school or the YMCA. Maybe, on my birthday, Luke will hug me and then we'll kiss. I'd say "oh, is that my birthday gift?" Oh I hope so! Because, he's like honey! Oh SO YUMMY!!
I just got out of computer. Alex might have ruined me and Luke. But, he gave me a hug today! It was sooo wonderful. I held onto him as long as I could before I had to let him go... If we hook-up, who know, we might, I'll probably have my first kiss with him. Oh I do hope so!! He' sooo funny and sweet! Kind of like honey?! oh so yummy! Well, Luke walks up to me and ask me when I m leaving. I say four but then Alex says "HEY! FIND SOMEONE ELSE! SHE'S TAKEN BY TOM FELTON!" Luke looked at me and then walked away. He didn't talk to me after that. I think he not know who Tom is. My photoshoot is in two days. I'm not sure if it's happining because of stupid money reasons.My party is also not working out. Yet, my mother has the amount of money to spend $250 dollars on baby clothes for my sisiter Dilcia. Yeah, I know it's her baby shower, but it's also my only 13th birthday forever!It makes me angrier than angry. I cut myself today, and the only reason why I didn't dig deeper, was becaue Luke came to mind and I relized that he's like one of the only people that I can think about and stop myself from cutting myself. On my birthday, Im gonna ask mum for a few bucks so that after school I could go back to school and get a pizza slice, then, I'd bring it back to school hidden in my backpack. Then, I'd get Luke out of whatever subject thingy he has, and we could find an empty class room where we could eat undisturbed. But, I have to find out which room would be good. Im thinking Carol (IVs) or Sandi (IVs) room. Ill have to check it out this Friday thats coming up/ Going to Little Red will also be awesome becaue Luke and I will be able to be together outside of school or the YMCA. Maybe, on my birthday, Luke will hug me and then we'll kiss. I'd say "oh, is that my birthday gift?" Oh I hope so! Because, he's like honey! Oh SO YUMMY!!