8. Dude, what? He should have at least used that 50% to treat you to ice cream or something afterwards. Did he hit on the waitress too?
9. :::sympathy hug::: While I've never dated someone quite that needy, I know the feeling. "Oh god, if I criticize or refuse him/her in any way, s/he'll cut his/her wrists!" Fucking hostage-takers.
One thing I've found, though (or, rather, decided--needy people tend to be self-absorbed as well, and thus are not very self-aware) is that they probably don't really need you as much as they would like you to think they do. Rather, if you show a pattern of putting up with their bullshit, they use that sympathy to keep you near. They know (unconciously; the ones I've dated genuinely believed they were emotionally helpless) that you care, and that you don't want to see them in pain, and so they act as if you are the only thing keeping them sane/alive/etc.
Interestingly, the ones I've dated (one man, one woman) acted very confident and stable before I started dating them, and only started playing need games after they had me "hooked." So, though I am attracted to confidence, I've started taking exagerrated confidence as a warning sign.
Eh, sorry for ranting. I've just thought a lot on the subject, because it pisses me off.
//One thing I've found, though (or, rather, decided--needy people tend to be self-absorbed as well, and thus are not very self-aware) is that they probably don't really need you as much as they would like you to think they do. Rather, if you show a pattern of putting up with their bullshit, they use that sympathy to keep you near. //
Currently, I take too much of a good thing as a damn ringing warning sign. Like roses and promises of eternity, on the first date, or hell within the first month, would have me heading for the hills.
8. No, he didn't hit on the waitress, I almost wish he did so I'll have something colourful to complain about at a bar in the future as oppose to "he just sat there looking bore" in spite my numerous attempt at conversations. The sucker is, we use to talk a lot before the date, I think he was reading "The Rules" for guys, how to look cool for girls by acting disinterested. I understand that when you just invite someone for dinner it is imply that you pay, but dude than let me handle the fucking tipping than if it’s my money on the table. And it wasn't "just invite for dinner", I had this talk earlier where it was along the line of "why don't we go to Pickle Barrel, and since I don't believe in that archaic stuff, we'll each pick up our own bills", come bill time, he gave me that "look" a woman usually gives a man in the olden days, I end up paying for the both of us, and when the change came back he went through it while the waitress was there to tip her again with his “artistic air” on, let me do that, urgh!
9. He wasn't someone I would remotely date at all, because he was totally not my type. I wouldn't mind being his friend at first because at first he seemed nice and everyone treated him like a loser, which he did turn out to be, a loser (who was later in my group for a drama project, didn't do the work, then went drama queen when I inquired about it) and a jerk (who threw chairs, then once tried to restrain me to which I freaked out and he never tried it again), and generally scary in that we later for a while shared a mutual friend before that mutual friend called it quits on him. You know how people sometimes play friendly fisticuffs eh? Well Scary Loser went beyond play, usually you stop when you catch the other's writs, it ends there, the Scary Loser squeezed the mutual friend in a very tight grip then leans forward smiling asking if it hurts, and he wouldn’t let go till I told him to quit it. Dude I was there, it's like he's getting off, ew. While I'll be a hypocrite if I say I wouldn't in a fight, keep in mind that this is suppose to be a friend, and it's play.
He used up my fucking sympathy, and totally started me on the path to heartless bitchdom. At first I really feel for his emo angst, but after a while it just got me numb, and I wouldn't have given a damn if he had killed himself in front of me, just stop whining. I came to school expecting a shoot-out for quite a while though, still think he would have done it if we weren't in fucking Canada.
9. :::sympathy hug::: While I've never dated someone quite that needy, I know the feeling. "Oh god, if I criticize or refuse him/her in any way, s/he'll cut his/her wrists!" Fucking hostage-takers.
One thing I've found, though (or, rather, decided--needy people tend to be self-absorbed as well, and thus are not very self-aware) is that they probably don't really need you as much as they would like you to think they do. Rather, if you show a pattern of putting up with their bullshit, they use that sympathy to keep you near. They know (unconciously; the ones I've dated genuinely believed they were emotionally helpless) that you care, and that you don't want to see them in pain, and so they act as if you are the only thing keeping them sane/alive/etc.
Interestingly, the ones I've dated (one man, one woman) acted very confident and stable before I started dating them, and only started playing need games after they had me "hooked." So, though I am attracted to confidence, I've started taking exagerrated confidence as a warning sign.
Eh, sorry for ranting. I've just thought a lot on the subject, because it pisses me off.
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Woo, solderini, try The Manipulators Files
Currently, I take too much of a good thing as a damn ringing warning sign. Like roses and promises of eternity, on the first date, or hell within the first month, would have me heading for the hills.
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I understand that when you just invite someone for dinner it is imply that you pay, but dude than let me handle the fucking tipping than if it’s my money on the table. And it wasn't "just invite for dinner", I had this talk earlier where it was along the line of "why don't we go to Pickle Barrel, and since I don't believe in that archaic stuff, we'll each pick up our own bills", come bill time, he gave me that "look" a woman usually gives a man in the olden days, I end up paying for the both of us, and when the change came back he went through it while the waitress was there to tip her again with his “artistic air” on, let me do that, urgh!
9. He wasn't someone I would remotely date at all, because he was totally not my type. I wouldn't mind being his friend at first because at first he seemed nice and everyone treated him like a loser, which he did turn out to be, a loser (who was later in my group for a drama project, didn't do the work, then went drama queen when I inquired about it) and a jerk (who threw chairs, then once tried to restrain me to which I freaked out and he never tried it again), and generally scary in that we later for a while shared a mutual friend before that mutual friend called it quits on him. You know how people sometimes play friendly fisticuffs eh? Well Scary Loser went beyond play, usually you stop when you catch the other's writs, it ends there, the Scary Loser squeezed the mutual friend in a very tight grip then leans forward smiling asking if it hurts, and he wouldn’t let go till I told him to quit it. Dude I was there, it's like he's getting off, ew. While I'll be a hypocrite if I say I wouldn't in a fight, keep in mind that this is suppose to be a friend, and it's play.
He used up my fucking sympathy, and totally started me on the path to heartless bitchdom. At first I really feel for his emo angst, but after a while it just got me numb, and I wouldn't have given a damn if he had killed himself in front of me, just stop whining. I came to school expecting a shoot-out for quite a while though, still think he would have done it if we weren't in fucking Canada.
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