(no subject)
Eclecticstar Thank you! I have not forgotten, afterall it is the [past] experiences that mold a person to make them who they are in the moment. When life gets a little less hetic, perhaps after I return from Kenya and get settled in the States and catch up in school work I will be able to connect with those I mean to stay connected with far and near. I thought life would get easier as I got older, it has only become more complicated and busy. I still compete for positions, I still work my butt off, and now I am down to my skin and bones [hehe this reminds me, when I was in South Africa (size 8) I made a comment about how big I was and Jamie turned around to me and exclaimed to me in her big Southern drawl, "Laurel if you lose any more weight we will not be able to see you," she had everyone laughing and in aggreance, I laughed too.] Anyways, back to what I was relaying...
I still study and fail, I still make mistakes, mistakes that could be avoided if I pay a little more attention to the big picture and to little details (oh so very important in my career). I am human I will make mistakes. I feel like a failure at times, other times I feel on top of the world. I am still learning and I will always be a student in life. I feel things that not necessarily everyone will feel, that is different and that is good. I am withdrawn,yet, at work and in certain social situations I am out there.
I guess maybe I am trying to figure out who I am. I would still rather not talk about nonsense or small talk. I would rather people approach me in quiet voices telling me what I did wrong, rather than use a loud projecting voice correcting me and letting the whole world know I have done something wrong. I am still a little girl. I keep myself healthy for me, not necessarily to attain comments from other people.
Life does throw me curve balls. For all I know I may not be accepted to go and study in Kenya, the other study abroad program may not accept me either. I only hope they both do.
I know I get along with adults and young adults that are older than me. I still wonder though why is it that people my age or people that appearance-wise look more like me do not actively seek to gain my attention. Perhaps that is one reason I have added this one class to my fall semester: African-American Psychology. For those of you that know me and I mean KNOW me, this is a big deal, this is a big step.
This one job I am working so hard to attain after I graduate, I may not get it. I may not get the position. There will be other people competing for the job, and yes, that is what it is, competition. I have to stay competitive. What is it that will set me apart from all of the others? What is and can be my distinguishing factor? I found out yesterday that Laura has approached Rachel about applying for the job, while Charles and Kristina approached me. They told both of us that we would not be gaurenteed for the position but to try but to be aware that there are others with more experince that will always apply and it is not up to them (Curator= Charles, Assistant Currator= Laura) who gets the job placement, but rather it is up to Dwight. Dwight, the man of mystery that neither Rachel nor I have ever met, and will probably never meet unless we are hired at some point of time. I love Rachel, but I also heard Charles telling another girl to apply and they would have room for her, and Jodie has told me that she wishes that Melanie was hired in the department. Now the four of us are outstanding and do amazing work... what will distinguish me from the rest of them? I do not know, seriously I do not have an answer to that. Rachel has turned it down because she would make less money than what she is currently making. One down. Jodie told me the more pay experience you have in the field the better, well if that is the case I am out of luck... I have been interning for the last year with no pay. The girl whose name I cannot remember was a paid vet tech and she was hired on from Jan2005-March2005 for seasonal help with pay within the department. Melanie was hired last year as seasonal help for pay last summer within a different department. I on the other hand, have only worked in this department: May2004-October2004 researcher (no pay) Novemeber2004-present (and continuing on after I return from Kenya) keeper, Janurary2005-June2005 researcher/coordinator=Lead Intern until Becky returns from her China research and takes over her paying job again: me all of this with no pay, I mean $0.00, no pay what-so-ever. I work more days than the other interns, and I am on call for Sundays, I am the youngest, I have more responsibilities, not to mention a student, and I work with the public. Yet, with all of my qualifications, I am still not good enough because I have not gotten paid within the institution. To some of you it may seem ludicrious, but it is not... this is the way the game is played. I do not stand a chance compared to them. When I come back after the summer Charles is going to give me a new title other than intern, because it is not distinguishable enough. I have been there longer than 4-6 months, while 4 months is average for interns. I had to talk to him to have him keep me on, and as a result he is coming up with a new title for those in my position that go beyond the normal time frame. I know nothing gaurentees me a job there. For the past year I have been gambling my life away and for the next year I will continue to do so.
Hard work does nt always pay off. Honesty is not the best virtue, but it is a good one. Patience can never be underminded. Patience is everything.
I still study and fail, I still make mistakes, mistakes that could be avoided if I pay a little more attention to the big picture and to little details (oh so very important in my career). I am human I will make mistakes. I feel like a failure at times, other times I feel on top of the world. I am still learning and I will always be a student in life. I feel things that not necessarily everyone will feel, that is different and that is good. I am withdrawn,yet, at work and in certain social situations I am out there.
I guess maybe I am trying to figure out who I am. I would still rather not talk about nonsense or small talk. I would rather people approach me in quiet voices telling me what I did wrong, rather than use a loud projecting voice correcting me and letting the whole world know I have done something wrong. I am still a little girl. I keep myself healthy for me, not necessarily to attain comments from other people.
Life does throw me curve balls. For all I know I may not be accepted to go and study in Kenya, the other study abroad program may not accept me either. I only hope they both do.
I know I get along with adults and young adults that are older than me. I still wonder though why is it that people my age or people that appearance-wise look more like me do not actively seek to gain my attention. Perhaps that is one reason I have added this one class to my fall semester: African-American Psychology. For those of you that know me and I mean KNOW me, this is a big deal, this is a big step.
This one job I am working so hard to attain after I graduate, I may not get it. I may not get the position. There will be other people competing for the job, and yes, that is what it is, competition. I have to stay competitive. What is it that will set me apart from all of the others? What is and can be my distinguishing factor? I found out yesterday that Laura has approached Rachel about applying for the job, while Charles and Kristina approached me. They told both of us that we would not be gaurenteed for the position but to try but to be aware that there are others with more experince that will always apply and it is not up to them (Curator= Charles, Assistant Currator= Laura) who gets the job placement, but rather it is up to Dwight. Dwight, the man of mystery that neither Rachel nor I have ever met, and will probably never meet unless we are hired at some point of time. I love Rachel, but I also heard Charles telling another girl to apply and they would have room for her, and Jodie has told me that she wishes that Melanie was hired in the department. Now the four of us are outstanding and do amazing work... what will distinguish me from the rest of them? I do not know, seriously I do not have an answer to that. Rachel has turned it down because she would make less money than what she is currently making. One down. Jodie told me the more pay experience you have in the field the better, well if that is the case I am out of luck... I have been interning for the last year with no pay. The girl whose name I cannot remember was a paid vet tech and she was hired on from Jan2005-March2005 for seasonal help with pay within the department. Melanie was hired last year as seasonal help for pay last summer within a different department. I on the other hand, have only worked in this department: May2004-October2004 researcher (no pay) Novemeber2004-present (and continuing on after I return from Kenya) keeper, Janurary2005-June2005 researcher/coordinator=Lead Intern until Becky returns from her China research and takes over her paying job again: me all of this with no pay, I mean $0.00, no pay what-so-ever. I work more days than the other interns, and I am on call for Sundays, I am the youngest, I have more responsibilities, not to mention a student, and I work with the public. Yet, with all of my qualifications, I am still not good enough because I have not gotten paid within the institution. To some of you it may seem ludicrious, but it is not... this is the way the game is played. I do not stand a chance compared to them. When I come back after the summer Charles is going to give me a new title other than intern, because it is not distinguishable enough. I have been there longer than 4-6 months, while 4 months is average for interns. I had to talk to him to have him keep me on, and as a result he is coming up with a new title for those in my position that go beyond the normal time frame. I know nothing gaurentees me a job there. For the past year I have been gambling my life away and for the next year I will continue to do so.
Hard work does nt always pay off. Honesty is not the best virtue, but it is a good one. Patience can never be underminded. Patience is everything.