hey cara, you're not here so im going to write you a letter (to cara's friends: i apologize). so yeah, im kind of in a shitty mood cause im excited about next year, but i also feel like its giving up. i mean i know i'll be dancing all the time, but it isnt the same. im such a snob, but the dancing there, especially the ballet isnt where i want it to be. im not saying im too good for them. because the sad truth is im not. not even close. but i dont know how i will get any better. im going to try everything: modern, tap, jazz, singing...but you and i know what we love, and its ballet. its just the truth. i know you know what i mean...its frustrating not being amazing at what you love, isn't it? part of me wants to tell you that it'll all be ok and dont worry about college. and the other wants to say be afraid, be very afraid. because it sucks being powerless to change it. the problem is, i cant watch center stage or see a picture of new york city or hear the word juilliard and not feel a stab of pain. so shouldnt i be out there in new york in some cheap ass apartment working as a waitress and trying to dance anywhere i can? you know, is that being silly or is that really going for it? everyone says "you're so smart" for double majoring, you know, like its the safe choice. but does the safe choice ever get results? sorry, its just that i honestly cant think of many others who'd understand. or any, for that matter. thats about it, sorry for posting my thoughts on your lj...haha i just dont know your e-mail address! ok thats all, ill talk to you when you get back and i want to hear all about NY. goodnight! ~Taylor
i wish my parents understood that. i mean....hmmm, let me start over. if i was in your position this is just how i would feel(obviously). what i'm trying to say is that my parents don't get that. they want me to give it up once i get to college. my dad said to me once "so there's really no place for you in dance after high school is there?" WRONG....there's every place. you have to find it. you have to be willing to find it. i wish i'd said that to him. it may be something i regret. i know this brings no comfort what-so-ever. and i know this is caroline's lj. but things need to be said when they need to be said. and wow, sorry i'm getting distracted because i have friends on in the backround and monica's making a salad for her job interview and the guy is making sexual inuendos about how the lettuce is dirty. hehe.....way off the subject. i'm sorry caroline. i'm sorry taylor. maybe if this post does one thing...it'll make you laugh.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i just wrote the LONGEST reply ever and then i lost it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of course it figures, just as i come to the climax of my thought i lose it. sounds like our lives as dancers, sooooooo close to that breakthrough mrs r always talks about. well, ill talk to u tomorrow. i am so sorry that this reply sucks, the other one didnt. ok, bye. love!
and us hard workers rule, eventually it HAS to pay off!!
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love!
and us hard workers rule, eventually it HAS to pay off!!
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