"My words are stuck inside/of this stubborn heart"
So yesterday we went to a fairly large pet expo that was near our house. This, of course, meant hours of flipping out over how cute the dogs were and therapeutic puppy petting and lamenting that we can't have a dog here, even a small one. I want a Newfoundland so it can be my gigantic puppy/horse/bear. I had a lot of fun.
But by the end, it really just sent me off on an emotional roller coaster. I started missing my dog *really* badly. Like, to an insane level I've never experienced. Bear in mind, I'm kind of used to being separated from my dog. I didn't live at home in college, and I'm even farther away now, so I only get to see her rarely, and I'm used to it. I handle it just fine. Most days, I don't even think about it, even though I like her more than most people. (If you've ever met my dog, she's adorable.)
So why did this set me off so much? I was so upset that I just went straight to bed when I got home, and only got up once afterwards and for just an hour. Part of it might have just been that I'm getting more worried about her since she's getting noticeably older (she's 11 and getting pretty arthritic), but it's not as if she's sick. I don't usually get overly emotional just from missing her. That would be silly, and I can control my emotions better than that. I'd tell myself to just grow up if this were really about being homesick for Penny. In actuality, I think this was just the final thing to open the floodgates on a bunch of major issues that have been bothering me for the past few months, most of which aren't even tangentially related. Things in my life, things in the lives of people I know, things to do with the world in general. Some of them I really just can't talk about, and all of them have to do with things I have no control over anyway. The minor provocation of wistfully missing my dog just set me off and made everything pour in all at once, and it was too much to handle. Add on top of that my recent exhaustion, no matter how much sleep I get, and the fact that work is slaughtering me right now, and it wasn't a good situation at all.
I don't even like to pretend I have feelings on LJ. I feel selfish making posts like this when there are so many people in the world with much more serious problems, which make even the deepest of my issues look trivial. Even without Iraq, Darfur, Virginia, there are literally billions of people who have it much worse than me. Most of the time, I don't even like to talk about my negative personal feelings with others- everyone has issues, and if I'm not helping them, I'm pretending to be fairly happy overall so that they won't worry about me. And most of the time, I am fairly happy overall. There are still things that I can think about right this second that bring me an incredible amount of joy. But I'm not a saint, and all in all, right now I'm not OK.
A very minor effect of this, but the one which impacts you, the reader, is that I've only been half-checking LJ, and I haven't checked cos.com or any related sites since last week. I plan on trying to catch up on this eventually, but if I missed anything important, I'd appreciate being dropped a link. I still like you all, really! I've just been having a hard time finding the will to do much of anything the past few days. But I will fight through the emo, like always.
("Fight Through the Emo" sounds like it should be the title of a self-help book for whiny teenagers with no real problems. Only, instead of making them read it, I'd probably smack them with it. And it should have Ukelala on the cover.)
I'm thankful for the spontaneous hanging out on Saturday, though, jinyo and scruffyrebel. Has anyone else ever tried the Pizookie Platter at BJ's? It's 4 pizookies in one. And we ate it all in three minutes and didn't throw up. It was amazing.
I've finished Calintz's tunic for the most part (the sewing portion at least). I still have to add in the feathers (after I paint them) and add the zipper pull and design on the back, but other than the collar, the sewing is done (and collars take five minutes anyway). Still a long way to go, but it made me feel more accomplished.
Oh! Speaking of cosplay, I want to make this staff if I have time for Asta:
(LOL anime Asta looks so weird to me now.) Last year's staff was pretty wrecked by the end of the day. I have no idea how to do the top part, though. The four prongs holding the jewel. Technically, they're supposed to open when she's charging her laser, but I'm not worried about functionality since props are nowhere near my strong point anyway.
This lady from my church wants me to model vintage clothing for some charity fashion show she's part of. While I'm going "1920s clothing hell yes!", I'm still pretty confused. It's not a big deal but I'm definitely not a model. But she wants me because apparently I have some quality that can only be described by moving her hands up and down. So... we'll see. I have to go to a fitting anyway, so it might be a non-issue, but if it fits, why not? I like charity. I like wearing old clothes. I can rock this, if I can get over the confusion in my brain.
OK, slave_to_anime put up the rest of the SD photos here. I'd go make some cosplay icons, since I have like none and I've been meaning to make some for a while (not just of Kaoru), but I'm too lame. I'm just going to go update Cosplaylab instead. And maybe spam cosplay.com with more Lionel/Jason pictures at some point. There are too many to choose from! ;_;
EDIT: Ahhh lionboogy, Lindsay just told me! I'm so sorry I didn't notice earlier. I am lame and don't deserve this. ;_; Thank you!
But by the end, it really just sent me off on an emotional roller coaster. I started missing my dog *really* badly. Like, to an insane level I've never experienced. Bear in mind, I'm kind of used to being separated from my dog. I didn't live at home in college, and I'm even farther away now, so I only get to see her rarely, and I'm used to it. I handle it just fine. Most days, I don't even think about it, even though I like her more than most people. (If you've ever met my dog, she's adorable.)
So why did this set me off so much? I was so upset that I just went straight to bed when I got home, and only got up once afterwards and for just an hour. Part of it might have just been that I'm getting more worried about her since she's getting noticeably older (she's 11 and getting pretty arthritic), but it's not as if she's sick. I don't usually get overly emotional just from missing her. That would be silly, and I can control my emotions better than that. I'd tell myself to just grow up if this were really about being homesick for Penny. In actuality, I think this was just the final thing to open the floodgates on a bunch of major issues that have been bothering me for the past few months, most of which aren't even tangentially related. Things in my life, things in the lives of people I know, things to do with the world in general. Some of them I really just can't talk about, and all of them have to do with things I have no control over anyway. The minor provocation of wistfully missing my dog just set me off and made everything pour in all at once, and it was too much to handle. Add on top of that my recent exhaustion, no matter how much sleep I get, and the fact that work is slaughtering me right now, and it wasn't a good situation at all.
I don't even like to pretend I have feelings on LJ. I feel selfish making posts like this when there are so many people in the world with much more serious problems, which make even the deepest of my issues look trivial. Even without Iraq, Darfur, Virginia, there are literally billions of people who have it much worse than me. Most of the time, I don't even like to talk about my negative personal feelings with others- everyone has issues, and if I'm not helping them, I'm pretending to be fairly happy overall so that they won't worry about me. And most of the time, I am fairly happy overall. There are still things that I can think about right this second that bring me an incredible amount of joy. But I'm not a saint, and all in all, right now I'm not OK.
A very minor effect of this, but the one which impacts you, the reader, is that I've only been half-checking LJ, and I haven't checked cos.com or any related sites since last week. I plan on trying to catch up on this eventually, but if I missed anything important, I'd appreciate being dropped a link. I still like you all, really! I've just been having a hard time finding the will to do much of anything the past few days. But I will fight through the emo, like always.
("Fight Through the Emo" sounds like it should be the title of a self-help book for whiny teenagers with no real problems. Only, instead of making them read it, I'd probably smack them with it. And it should have Ukelala on the cover.)
I'm thankful for the spontaneous hanging out on Saturday, though, jinyo and scruffyrebel. Has anyone else ever tried the Pizookie Platter at BJ's? It's 4 pizookies in one. And we ate it all in three minutes and didn't throw up. It was amazing.
I've finished Calintz's tunic for the most part (the sewing portion at least). I still have to add in the feathers (after I paint them) and add the zipper pull and design on the back, but other than the collar, the sewing is done (and collars take five minutes anyway). Still a long way to go, but it made me feel more accomplished.
Oh! Speaking of cosplay, I want to make this staff if I have time for Asta:
(LOL anime Asta looks so weird to me now.) Last year's staff was pretty wrecked by the end of the day. I have no idea how to do the top part, though. The four prongs holding the jewel. Technically, they're supposed to open when she's charging her laser, but I'm not worried about functionality since props are nowhere near my strong point anyway.
This lady from my church wants me to model vintage clothing for some charity fashion show she's part of. While I'm going "1920s clothing hell yes!", I'm still pretty confused. It's not a big deal but I'm definitely not a model. But she wants me because apparently I have some quality that can only be described by moving her hands up and down. So... we'll see. I have to go to a fitting anyway, so it might be a non-issue, but if it fits, why not? I like charity. I like wearing old clothes. I can rock this, if I can get over the confusion in my brain.
OK, slave_to_anime put up the rest of the SD photos here. I'd go make some cosplay icons, since I have like none and I've been meaning to make some for a while (not just of Kaoru), but I'm too lame. I'm just going to go update Cosplaylab instead. And maybe spam cosplay.com with more Lionel/Jason pictures at some point. There are too many to choose from! ;_;
EDIT: Ahhh lionboogy, Lindsay just told me! I'm so sorry I didn't notice earlier. I am lame and don't deserve this. ;_; Thank you!