The brilliant plan 03/06
Merlin/Arthur Fanfic
Spoilers: First season
Title: The brilliant plan
Summary: Arthur comes up with a brilliant plan to bed Merlin confess to Merlin
Word count: ~2.300
Rating: G - PG-13
Warning: silliness
The brilliant plan 01
The brilliant plan 02
The brilliant plan 03
Jealousy is a powerful tool (unless wine’s involved)
Arthur chased Sir Bennet from the chair and smiled at lady Nathalie.
To be honest, ‘chasing’ looked and sounded more like coughing, but Sir Bennet understood and went in search of another spot at the table.
It was all part of a plan, a brilliant plan. Arthur wondered why he hadn’t thought of it before.
When Arthur had gone with lady Sophia into the woods some time ago, Merlin had been jealous. So jealous in fact that he had run after Arthur, hit him on the head until Arthur was unconscious, and finally dragged him back to the castle. Arthur insisted that Merlin must have attacked him repeatedly from an ambush, because Arthur surely wouldn’t drop unconscious from one single hit, and even less he’d allow Merlin to keep hitting him. Merlin must have jumped from an ambush several times that evening.
Arthur couldn’t remember why he had fallen in love with Sophia at the time, but that didn’t matter. He had learned Merlin’s weak spot - jealousy.
"Learn your enemy’s weakness, and you’ll be victorious," Arthur’s father always used to say.
Thus, Arthur smiled to lady Nathalie again.
Since lady Nathalie kept her eyes fixed on the table, he said, “You are Nathalie, are you not?”
“Yes, my lord,” she said, managing a feeble smile. Her hair was long and black, her cleavage not as outrageous as Morgana’s, because her chest, which was quite flat, was covered with a silken red neckerchief. Her face was long and narrow, and she looked like she hadn’t eaten since last Beltane. She reminded Arthur of something or someone, but he couldn’t figure out who. It didn’t matter. As long as she was beautiful enough to make Merlin jealous, that was enough.
But was she beautiful enough? How could he know?
Motioning to Merlin to fill the cups with wine, he said to her, “You are very beautiful, are you not?”
“Thank you, my lord,” she said in a low voice.
Arthur twisted his lips. She obviously didn’t understand the question.
Merlin meanwhile poured the wine.
“Every knight would be pleased to win your hand, would he not?” Arthur continued, speaking loudly enough for Merlin to hear.
Nathalie raised her head and stared in surprise. “Thank you, my lord.”
Again, she had not answered. What was wrong with these ladies at court, were they all taking their manners from Morgana?
Nathalie raised her hands. “But my hands are too long, my breast too small to be called beautiful.”
“Ridiculous!” Arthur said, for he feared Merlin would think Arthur’s catch was not beautiful enough and therefore would not be jealous. “I say you are very beautiful.”
He drank quickly and ordered Merlin to refill the goblet. Without a constant task to perform, Merlin would wander away.
Nathalie’s blue eyes sparkled like jewels. “Do you really think so? They say you are selfish and unkind, but I see they are wrong. You are very kind, my lord.”
“Of… of course I’m kind. I’m the prince.”
“Do you really think I’m beautiful, then?”
“Yes, I’ve said so, haven’t I?” Arthur glanced at Merlin, waiting for an ambush of jealousy, but Merlin only poured more wine into Arthur’s cup. Arthur would have to push more if he wanted Merlin dragging him away, possibly into Arthur’s room, and preferably in into Arthur’s bed.
“Do my ears not bother you, my lord?” Nathalie said, moving a lock of her hair to show her ears. “They are quite big, and I’ve always had to hide them with my hair.”
Arthur drank from his cup and ordered Merlin to refill again. “Big ears are the latest trend in Camelot, or maybe last year’s trend, I don’t remember.” He smiled to Nathalie, saying, “They are very pretty. Very attractive.”
Merlin’s hand trembled and spilled a few drops of wine on the table.
The idiot! He was doing his best to embarrass Arthur at every occasion.
Arthur drank everything at one gulp and glared at Merlin. His servant’s cheekbones were as red as the wine on the table. He noticed only now that Merlin had large ears too.
Clearing his throat, Arthur said. “Of course, big ears would be something horrible for a servant to have, truly horrible, but for a lady like you, they are the most desirable thing.”
Merlin snorted, standing there with the jug in his hands.
“Nobody called me beautiful before, you see,” Nathalie whispered.
“I did,” said Arthur and took her hand. Merlin didn’t move. What was he waiting for? Did Arthur have to go all the way into the forest for Merlin to finally spring into action?
Nathalie’s smile widened. She blushed and watched Arthur’s hand over hers. “Does that mean… You are… Are you… Are you going to marry me?”
In the same instant, Arthur released her hand. “Marry? No, no, I didn’t mean that.”
Merlin laughed under his breath.
Nathalie blinked, and tears began to appear at the corners of her big blue eyes. “No? What do you mean no? But you held my hand! How could you not take your responsibility?” She shot up. “They were right about you. You are unkind! You held my hand, yet you refuse to marry me! You tarnished my reputation!” She took the goblet and threw the wine into Arthur’s face. “You are despicable!”
She cried and wailed until she drew the attention of everyone in the hall.
As Morgana tried to console her, Arthur took the opportunity to sneak under the table.
“Where did he go now?” Nathalie said.
“I saw him,” began Merlin, but Arthur kicked him in the shin. “Ouch! I saw him… here with you just a moment ago.”
Nathalie wept louder.
“Do not worry about Arthur,” said Morgana. “He doesn’t have any manners. He may know how to play with a sword, but he will never learn how to treat a lady.”
That was too much for Arthur to bear. “Arthur knows very well how to treat a lady,” he shouted from under the table. “It’s just that at court there aren’t any.”
Morgana’s voice was sharp. “Who said that?”
Arthur sensed the danger; a danger better averted. He hit Merlin in the shin again.
“Ouch!” said Merlin. “I… I did. Yes, I said that. Arthur knows how to treat a lady, but at court there aren’t any…I mean, there aren’t any ladies who’d be willing to put up with him.”
Arthur kicked toward Merlin’s legs again, but his servant moved away in time.
“Well, you’re right about the last part, at least,” Morgana said with clear satisfaction.
Arthur waited under the table, until lady Nathalie left in company of Morgana and Gwen.
It was not safe to leave the hiding place yet, because there was much turmoil in the hall, with courtiers chattering and yelling, and Uther trying to calm everyone.
It was quite boring under the table, however; Arthur counted the legs of the courtiers, yet their number seemed to grow each moment. Perhaps Arthur had drank too many goblets of wine.
One pair of legs, two pairs of legs, and there, look, one, two Merlins crawling toward him.
Arthur rubbed his eyes. No, there was only one Merlin, squeezing in the tight place between many legs and grinning to Arthur.
“That went splendid,” Merlin said, and ignored Arthur’s angry looks. He sat so his left shoulder was glued to Arthur’s right. “Are you having fun here, sire?”
“Yes,” Arthur grumbled. “I don’t need your company.”
“Then I shall take my leave.”
Arthur grabbed Merlin’s arm. “Wait. It’s not safe to go out yet.”
“It would be safe for me,” Merlin said in protest.
Arthur shook his head at the simplicity of his servant. “How can it be safe for you, a servant, if it’s not safe for me, a prince?”
Merlin shrugged, grinning again. “I didn’t make a lady cry.”
“I know how to treat ladies,” Arthur said.
“You know how to kick too.” Merlin massaged his legs.
Arthur groaned. “You’re oversensitive. Where does it hurt?”
“Where you kicked me! But it doesn’t hurt much.”
Their eyes locked, and who could tell how much time had passed while they stared at each other. It seemed to Arthur that Merlin was pressing closer and closer to him, or perhaps Arthur was pressing closer and closer to Merlin.
Merlin giggled in a hushed voice, his lips red like the flowers of that cactus. “We’re stuck here, then. You and me.” His eyes half-closed as if he was in deep thought, but they always remained on Arthur’s face. He licked his lips, and soon the skin on his face became as red as the cactus flowers too.
The plan was working!
“I think it’s time you dragged me to my room now, Merlin,” Arthur wanted to say. “You know where my bed is.”
Instead, Merlin looked away and started guessing which legs belonged to whom.
Arthur sighed.
“For how long are you going to stay there, Arthur?” it was father’s voice, and Arthur shot up as quickly as a bolt, hitting his head against the table.
“Father? How did you know I was here?”
Father rolled his eyes. “We don’t use tablecloths, as you might have noticed. It wasn’t hard to spot you.”
“Ah, that, yes,” said Arthur.
Uther continued, “As a warrior you need better observational skills. Anyway, Morgana managed to calm down lady Nathalie, and we’ll tell her that it wasn’t you who talked to her before. An evil sorcerer took your appearance. You are chasing this sorcerer now, so you’re not in the hall, understood?”
“Yes, father. Shall I stay under the table with Merlin and pretend I’m not here, then?”
“No. Go to your room and ponder on what you did.”
“Yes, father.”
The king cast an angry glance at Merlin. “You too.”
“But I haven’t done… Yes, sire.”
“Go, before lady Nathalie returns. I don’t want to put anyone in the stocks tonight. And, Arthur,” father said, “try to be discrete when you get out.” He pointed under the desk, and Arthur took the hint.
He crawled with Merlin under the table - the whole length of the table - and muttered, “When I’ll be king, I’ll have tablecloths on my tables.”
It was no courtiers’ business to watch their prince when he was having some peaceful and relaxed time with his servant. A king should have the right to his privacy.
When he tried to get up, Arthur got dizzy and hit the corner of the table with his head. It was more the other way around, really - the nasty table corner had jumped and attacked Arthur. “And when I’ll be king, my tables won’t have corners.”
“They won’t have corners?” said Merlin once they were in the corridor.
“Yes, no corners. They will be round and safe. No knight, or God forbid, a prince will have to worry about table corner ambushes.”
Merlin halted and pursed his lips. “What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense. I think you’ve been drinking too much.”
“I have been drinking too much? What about you, who haven’t found the wits to led me to my bed yet?” Arthur wanted to say, but he was distracted by the two Merlin backs in front of him. How many cups had he drunk? Arthur closed his eyes, and there was one Merlin again. It wasn’t too bad having two Merlins, however. “You do know where my bed is, though. Don’t you?” Because Arthur couldn’t remember anymore. Must have been that chess pattern on the corridor that made everything look… like a chessboard. Had they ever had a chessboard this big in the castle?
Merlin turned around. “You’ve forced me to rearrange the furniture in your room three times this week, so I’m not sure anymore.”
Arthur had only been trying to find the right spot for the bed; a spot with a nice view of the room. Merlin hadn’t appreciated it. One day, he would lie in that bed and see that nice view, and then he would be glad for Arthur’s attentiveness.
“Useless. You’re useless,” said Arthur. “Take me to bed.”
“Yes, yes, right away.” Merlin supported Arthur and helped help him walk, and meanwhile Arthur put an arm across Merlin’s shoulder.
The plan had worked. Merlin obviously was jealous. It couldn’t be otherwise, for he was dragging Arthur to bed.
There was only one drawback - Arthur felt lightheaded; he doubted he’d remain conscious much longer. Hadn’t it been the same last time, when Merlin had been jealous of Sophia?
Yes, Merlin had dragged Arthur to bed, but Arthur had been already unconscious. Such a flaw in an otherwise brilliant plan. Why hadn’t Arthur noticed it before?
“I’ve been stupid,” said Arthur.
“Yes, you have. That poor girl will have nightmares for months.”
Arthur snorted. “I’ll have nightmares for moths! Haven’t you seen her big ears?”
“Yes, I have. But you said you liked big ears.”
Arthur huffed into Merlin’s ear. “No, I said I find them attractive. That’s different.”
Merlin moved his head away slightly, colouring and muttering, “How is that different?”
“I don’t know. Why should I know everything? I wasn’t born prince so I should know everything. Find me a bed. I want to sleep.”
“Yes, sire.”
“And she had black hair. Short black hair.” Arthur pulled Merlin closer so he wouldn’t fall. He dug his nose into Merlin’s hair.
Merlin shook his head. “No, she had long hair. And you’re heavy.”
“Yes, that’s what I said,” said Arthur. “Short hair. And she had huge cheekbones.”
“No, she did not.”
“Why must you always contradict me? She had short black hair, huge cheekbones, and giant ears. And a red scarf. That’s what I say. And she was very pretty. Now shut up.” Arthur nodded to himself. The next plan should involve something to shut Merlin up as well.
Next:
The brilliant plan 04
There is much knowledge to be found in books (but not of the right kind)