Determination that is Incorruptible
So I've been thinking.
I am pretty happy with my life at the moment. I'm getting fit and losing weight, mind you 17kg from the end of school, and it's making me feel great. Yeah I still have the occasional self-conscious bouts of paranoia which I know is driving some of you guys crazy, but just bear with me. I've always been the fat chick that no one ever wanted, so being on the flipside is a bit weird for me and I'm certainly used to being self-deprecating - it's a hard habit to break.
3kgs to go to my next goal and then I'm going to concentrate on this toning business, though some of that has been working for me anyway at the moment. I haven't decided if said goal is my final one, depends on the whole muscle-gain thing seeing as I want to do martial arts at uni next semester. At least I'll be fit enough, well, to a point. Better than before anyway.
Pole-dancing is WIN. I love it. Enough said. Wtb getting paid to do it..but with clothes on...I'd settle for a bikini...anyone?
I'm going to have to go clothes shopping soon though because I'm continuing shrink. Yes, yay, but also majorly frustrating because I never have anything to wear and it means I have to go spend money I don't have just to be clothed. You can tell me to shut up all you want. On that note, I'm sick of people making me feel bad for being frustrated about this particular thing. If you want to change, that's your business and perrogative, don't take it out on the people who are making said change and succeeding.
Conversely, I appreciate the support I'm getting from some lovely people at the moment. You don't know how much it means to me. On a variety of things from fitness to uni. It's nice to get some feedback that's not shallow or superficial and is actually heartfelt. And I also appreciate the positive outlook being espoused, it really makes me feel better about everything and myself. You have a knack for making a less than satisfying situation seem much better than it is. I do believe this is a 'glass-half-full' approach. It's a refreshing change. So often people only focus on the negative and while this defines the contrast of good, as in good can only be defined by the bad, I find that if things are within your control, then it IS within your control. If those things aren't, let them go. Chuff is also helping me with this.
Speaking of whom. Holy fuck I miss him. I cannot wait until he gets the hell out of his training so I can actually see him and he won't be so stressed and exhausted. I worry a little, but at the same time I have faith. He's being so lovely to me at the moment, if I psyche out at him because of emotional crap, he's just so accomodating because he knows that things are hard at the moment. Not accomodating like, 'yes dear...sigh...' in a sort of submissive, lame fashion. Accomodating like, I don't know. He's just being the best about it all. I really can't put into words how that makes me feel.
Also, I can't wait to move the fuck out of this place. Having freedom and then relinquishing it again really sucks. Shouldn't be too long. Once Nathan (and Amy and Tegan) has his lease run out, we're all looking to move back in again so that's pretty cheap rent and good company. I really, really miss living with Chuff. While I don't think I was ready for it last year, like at all, I think things will be better this time around. I'll be less paranoid and stupid for a start which helps.
I'm surprised I felt like posting today. I think maybe I just needed to get all my thoughts in order.
Happy holidays?
I am pretty happy with my life at the moment. I'm getting fit and losing weight, mind you 17kg from the end of school, and it's making me feel great. Yeah I still have the occasional self-conscious bouts of paranoia which I know is driving some of you guys crazy, but just bear with me. I've always been the fat chick that no one ever wanted, so being on the flipside is a bit weird for me and I'm certainly used to being self-deprecating - it's a hard habit to break.
3kgs to go to my next goal and then I'm going to concentrate on this toning business, though some of that has been working for me anyway at the moment. I haven't decided if said goal is my final one, depends on the whole muscle-gain thing seeing as I want to do martial arts at uni next semester. At least I'll be fit enough, well, to a point. Better than before anyway.
Pole-dancing is WIN. I love it. Enough said. Wtb getting paid to do it..but with clothes on...I'd settle for a bikini...anyone?
I'm going to have to go clothes shopping soon though because I'm continuing shrink. Yes, yay, but also majorly frustrating because I never have anything to wear and it means I have to go spend money I don't have just to be clothed. You can tell me to shut up all you want. On that note, I'm sick of people making me feel bad for being frustrated about this particular thing. If you want to change, that's your business and perrogative, don't take it out on the people who are making said change and succeeding.
Conversely, I appreciate the support I'm getting from some lovely people at the moment. You don't know how much it means to me. On a variety of things from fitness to uni. It's nice to get some feedback that's not shallow or superficial and is actually heartfelt. And I also appreciate the positive outlook being espoused, it really makes me feel better about everything and myself. You have a knack for making a less than satisfying situation seem much better than it is. I do believe this is a 'glass-half-full' approach. It's a refreshing change. So often people only focus on the negative and while this defines the contrast of good, as in good can only be defined by the bad, I find that if things are within your control, then it IS within your control. If those things aren't, let them go. Chuff is also helping me with this.
Speaking of whom. Holy fuck I miss him. I cannot wait until he gets the hell out of his training so I can actually see him and he won't be so stressed and exhausted. I worry a little, but at the same time I have faith. He's being so lovely to me at the moment, if I psyche out at him because of emotional crap, he's just so accomodating because he knows that things are hard at the moment. Not accomodating like, 'yes dear...sigh...' in a sort of submissive, lame fashion. Accomodating like, I don't know. He's just being the best about it all. I really can't put into words how that makes me feel.
Also, I can't wait to move the fuck out of this place. Having freedom and then relinquishing it again really sucks. Shouldn't be too long. Once Nathan (and Amy and Tegan) has his lease run out, we're all looking to move back in again so that's pretty cheap rent and good company. I really, really miss living with Chuff. While I don't think I was ready for it last year, like at all, I think things will be better this time around. I'll be less paranoid and stupid for a start which helps.
I'm surprised I felt like posting today. I think maybe I just needed to get all my thoughts in order.
Happy holidays?