Good and Bad Night
So last night was really fun for a while. I was so glad to be with all the girls and I felt really good about going out since I hadn't gone out in a while. I was a bit nervous about going over to Jons house because I knew Jake would be there but I knew that I could be cool. I was too. I talked to other people, had a good time, and when it was Jake that got me a beer and said hi to me first I figured that I had no need to be a bitch to him, I just figured what we did was over and we could try to be friends now. So then I went off, talked with other people (mainly Tim cuz he is cool and Cam cuz he is too) and then Jake came over and introduced me to his friend Mike and we were all talking...things were normal and I was happy about it. Mike then spilled beer on my new jeans and I kinda just froze. Good thing Kristen was there to help me be calm and Jake was there to wipe me off with a pillow...oh and Tim let me wipe my arms on his shirt, he said it only cost him 2 dollars. Hahaha! So at that point I was really happy because I had missed hanging out with those boys. So I was talking to Tim and said that I wanted to talk to Jake to just clear things up and he said I should. So I went and told a certain someone that I was going to and she responded with "He does't want to talk to you." I was really confused because he had been talking to me all night, being cool, so I figured if I could keep my cool he wouldn't mind talking to me. So disregarded what she said, I don't know if it was true or what was up with that comment but oh well...shit happens. So I went over to Jake and asked him if we could talk and he was more than fine with it and he took me out of the room so we could. Well...when we went into a different room to talk she and someone else were talking in there and she was just cold to me so that confused me even further....its like, ok, I am here worried about being rejected and treated badly by Jake, NOT YOU! But oh well...all I really wanted to do was hear Jake's reasoning. We finally talked, he said that he thought I wanted a relationship but I told him I didn't and definitely don't anymore now that I am not even going to be here next year. Things were cool until he took it too far by saying that he couldn't ever see us being together because I am not his type...why that was necessary, I don't know...it hurt at the moment (now it doesn't seem so bad). I think it was because of the way he said it, who knows. I kinda left bothered but tried to stay cool. Went back to the Garage and danced some more. Had some fun with Heidi and Cam on the bar, probably got some looks from those girls that didn't seem to want FRESHMAN girls there, but who cares, I wasn't there to make friends with them either. We all decided to leave cuz we were going to Brenna's cousins party but I kinda fell apart in the car. I was just really hurt by the things Jake said (I felt really used and that he didn't appreciate me enough to be friends) and I was also bothered by someones actions and attitudes toward me. I just don't understand how I ALWAYS get in these situations...I think I have a really really bad problem with innitially only seeing the best in everybody and having high expectations and when bad stuff happens I don't understand why. My very loving suitemate brought me back, we talked for a while, I told her that all I wanted to do was talk to Courtenay...yeah, I know, took me long enough to get the balls though. I have really missed her, yeah I know that there was a lot of stuff that bothered both of us, but maybe that was me having too high expectations of a friendship that was already really good...I don't know, I have a lot of thinking to do because guess what!? I did call her, she didn't answer, so Lieu called, left a message for her, and Court called back while I was lying with Brian on the Love Nest. Hearing her voice kind of made me cry more because I realize that I made alot of bad choices regarding our friendship, I didn't make all of them...but I made alot and I have really missed it. She was really caring to call, I didn't really expect it because all this time I have thought that she hated me...maybe shes starting to come around like I am. Anyways, we talked and it was good, she said that she is going to come over and we can talk about things today when she gets home. I am really glad I finally got to talk with her, maybe that was what was keeping me down all this time because...well...after the talk I felt alot better. I got to talk to some of my boys from home last night too. Cam, Adam, and Nick all called me and it made me feel soooooo good because I miss them all SO much. I was also glad cuz I thought Adam had gotten sent away again...so to know that he isn't made me happy. Anyways, that was my night...Lieu and Jason came down after I talked to all of them. I think Lieu was suprised by my good mood. I settled down a bit and then just went to bed...I think it was pretty early too. Anyways, now I am up and awake and I think I am going to have a quick breakfast in my room and then go work out. I hope you have a good day in the sun because I am PLANNING ON IT! Bye!