(no subject)

[solacesoulless]

Right when you open your eyes in the morning and you think everything is going to be wonderful, that's right before you remember that everything that is wonderful is gone. So, eventually when you wake up, you are just as soon wishing you were back asleep, back to dreaming something wonderful, something to live for, but then you wake up. Then you realize the dream isn't real. Then you realize that there isn't a reason for you to wake up. So eventually you come to the conclusion that you'd rather sleep than be awake and following through with the rest of your life. And then you wonder how it is possible to feel like this because it seems so unrealistic. Oh, but it is. It's very realistic. You wonder how the sun can shine whenever everything is so dark inside you. You wonder how you can still manage to smile, even if it's a fake one, just because you can't even feel it. You wonder how you can go through another day, when you're only going through the motions and not even feeling the life around you. You wonder how someone can do something like that and still feel okay about it. You wish that you didn't have feelings so you didn't have to experience pain that doesn't seem to leave. You wish that every breath you took would make you over joyed and smiling, but it doesn't. You wish that with every heartbeat it will make the tears stop coming. So overall, you wish you could be back in the amazing dream you were just having 15 minutes before you woke up. So you try to fall back asleep, but then with all of the thought that seem to be exploding from your mind, you realize you will never make it back to sleep, since the hurt won't let you. And for another day you must go through the motions, fake the smiles, wish the sun would stop shining, wish that every breath you took would make you happy, and wish that you will manage to keep going, step by step. You do this until it comes back to that time again, when you must sleep, it seems so easy, so you close your eyes... and begin to fall, and you fall into that same sleep that you had the night before. You begin to dream that same dream, and you begin to wake up again.
And you repeat the motions, one by one.