Mercy versus Severity
cc'ed to scarletmagdalen.
I had intended scarletmagdalen to be my public blog to discuss my thoughts and views on the Great Work. The problem with this is that I do a lot of deeply intense, personal work and I not only don't publicize that, but it goes into select filters on my LJ here.
At long last, I have some commentary that could (and should) be made public.
I've been taking a magickal tour through my inner child and whimsical muse--not to mention inner Hermetic Erisian--and it has brought me, strangely enough, to numerous elists and blogs of a nature which many in our community would call "fluffy bunny." I initially did this as something of a humorous look through the looking glass that would be posted on a joke blog later.
Imagine my surprise when after being subscribed to numerous lists after a few days to discover that the environment there is so much friendlier. People actually discuss personal experiences without posturing or fear of reprisal. People post healing requests--and they get met! Also imagine my surprise when I learn things about myself through this process that I have either denied or buried due to my attempts to fit into this place or that. Or worse yet, due to my inability to believe as a magician in both myself and my own abilities of discernment.
"Oh, all of that love and light crap," some of you may mutter and grumble. Interesting how we in the Golden Dawn espouse such ideals as aspiring to become more than human when most of us in the community have been downright INHUMANE to each other. To those people, I have to ask: when did it become accepted to NOT be nice? When did any of you forget what it means to first be human? To exist in such settings so leaning towards the Pillar of Severity that flame wars, Golden Dawn battles, and ego fights occur on a regular basis? We just shrug our shoulders at them and have learned to live with it. To accept that to be on a spiritual path means tolerating people who bully and push people around to demonstrate that they're higher in the food chain in their chosen tradition.
Worse yet, we become bullies ourselves. In our battle to do good, we become self-righteous, mean, and intolerant. Is it REALLY necessary to state opinions in such a way that they seen callous and cruel? If someone comes to us for help but states utterly incorrect info, is it not wrong to come down on them for being ignorant versus taking the time to help them?
I look back on the fluffy bunny whom I was, and the cynical, opinionated, and skeptical person I have become and have concluded that in learning I have become dangerous. In tolerating various elements of the ceremonial magick communities, I have become cynical. And in growing accustomed to debates and flame wars, I have become insensitive.
There's such a thing as leaning too far over to the Pillar of Mercy, and I don't intend to swing the pendulum over. But there's the Middle Pillar, and I need to achieve it. I need to gain back what I lost, to regain that inner child whom I so cruelly crushed under my feet to be "accepted" among what amounts to a bunch of armchair magicians, cynics, and bullies.
I am not proud of this. I have many ideas, experiences, and thoughts about myself that I have kept closeted because I have seen what happens to people who openly share them.
I miss being in a genuinely warm and open community devoted to spiritual practice. And I can't believe I bought the lie that we could have no such thing online.
And this... is everything I've learned from my inner fluffy bunny. How to be happy. How to be nice. How to dream impossible dreams and achieve them through magick. To be genuinely accepting of others and kind to them, even if they disagree, make a mistake, or act like a jerk. And above all else... to be yourself.
I had intended scarletmagdalen to be my public blog to discuss my thoughts and views on the Great Work. The problem with this is that I do a lot of deeply intense, personal work and I not only don't publicize that, but it goes into select filters on my LJ here.
At long last, I have some commentary that could (and should) be made public.
I've been taking a magickal tour through my inner child and whimsical muse--not to mention inner Hermetic Erisian--and it has brought me, strangely enough, to numerous elists and blogs of a nature which many in our community would call "fluffy bunny." I initially did this as something of a humorous look through the looking glass that would be posted on a joke blog later.
Imagine my surprise when after being subscribed to numerous lists after a few days to discover that the environment there is so much friendlier. People actually discuss personal experiences without posturing or fear of reprisal. People post healing requests--and they get met! Also imagine my surprise when I learn things about myself through this process that I have either denied or buried due to my attempts to fit into this place or that. Or worse yet, due to my inability to believe as a magician in both myself and my own abilities of discernment.
"Oh, all of that love and light crap," some of you may mutter and grumble. Interesting how we in the Golden Dawn espouse such ideals as aspiring to become more than human when most of us in the community have been downright INHUMANE to each other. To those people, I have to ask: when did it become accepted to NOT be nice? When did any of you forget what it means to first be human? To exist in such settings so leaning towards the Pillar of Severity that flame wars, Golden Dawn battles, and ego fights occur on a regular basis? We just shrug our shoulders at them and have learned to live with it. To accept that to be on a spiritual path means tolerating people who bully and push people around to demonstrate that they're higher in the food chain in their chosen tradition.
Worse yet, we become bullies ourselves. In our battle to do good, we become self-righteous, mean, and intolerant. Is it REALLY necessary to state opinions in such a way that they seen callous and cruel? If someone comes to us for help but states utterly incorrect info, is it not wrong to come down on them for being ignorant versus taking the time to help them?
I look back on the fluffy bunny whom I was, and the cynical, opinionated, and skeptical person I have become and have concluded that in learning I have become dangerous. In tolerating various elements of the ceremonial magick communities, I have become cynical. And in growing accustomed to debates and flame wars, I have become insensitive.
There's such a thing as leaning too far over to the Pillar of Mercy, and I don't intend to swing the pendulum over. But there's the Middle Pillar, and I need to achieve it. I need to gain back what I lost, to regain that inner child whom I so cruelly crushed under my feet to be "accepted" among what amounts to a bunch of armchair magicians, cynics, and bullies.
I am not proud of this. I have many ideas, experiences, and thoughts about myself that I have kept closeted because I have seen what happens to people who openly share them.
I miss being in a genuinely warm and open community devoted to spiritual practice. And I can't believe I bought the lie that we could have no such thing online.
And this... is everything I've learned from my inner fluffy bunny. How to be happy. How to be nice. How to dream impossible dreams and achieve them through magick. To be genuinely accepting of others and kind to them, even if they disagree, make a mistake, or act like a jerk. And above all else... to be yourself.