On things you can change, and things which you can't
Ah, and the universe graces me with a forced job hunt. How nice. :>
On another note, I'm realizing more and more that there are some things in life that are very much out of my control, and worse yet, potentially damaging. I'm not sure why I've remained. Damage control? A sense of loyalty? I honestly have no idea. I just know that I need to apply a lot of distance right now between me and certain situations and people, and I don't know how to do this without people either taking it personally or feeling that I'm judging them.
I guess in some respects I am. If I deem something as being unhealthy to myself, I have the right to remove myself from it. Does it mean that I am judging those who remain in said situations? I don't know. In some cases it's very hard not to. I know the reasoning behind some of it, but I still can't understand why people are so inherently self-destructive to the point where, if immersed in a particular scenario or situation, they will be blinded into thinking that black = white and zebras do not exist. I will watch them run around in circles, repeat the same mistakes over and over again, and try to convince themselves each time that it is different, while all the while other people get dragged into their drama.
I just can't deal with all of that anymore. I can't afford to be sucked into someone's drama. I can barely handle my own. I just feel guilty at the possibility of abandoning commitments which I've made in order to distance myself from what is an increasingly poisonous situation. I wish that I had some sense of reassurance that the whole thing will straighten itself out in a reasonable length of time. But I gotta say, black =/= white, and I've seen zebras in zoos. All of the sweet talk and attempt to convince me otherwise--and be pissed at me when I don't believe--will not work.
Perhaps I'll meditate on everything, and it'll all become clear. I just don't know how to say what I need to say or do what I need to do without burning bridges or losing friendships. Maybe the best thing is to just say nothing, and walk away for a while. I really don't know.
Maybe, after posting this and getting it off my chest, I'll figure it out. One could only pray.
On another note, I'm realizing more and more that there are some things in life that are very much out of my control, and worse yet, potentially damaging. I'm not sure why I've remained. Damage control? A sense of loyalty? I honestly have no idea. I just know that I need to apply a lot of distance right now between me and certain situations and people, and I don't know how to do this without people either taking it personally or feeling that I'm judging them.
I guess in some respects I am. If I deem something as being unhealthy to myself, I have the right to remove myself from it. Does it mean that I am judging those who remain in said situations? I don't know. In some cases it's very hard not to. I know the reasoning behind some of it, but I still can't understand why people are so inherently self-destructive to the point where, if immersed in a particular scenario or situation, they will be blinded into thinking that black = white and zebras do not exist. I will watch them run around in circles, repeat the same mistakes over and over again, and try to convince themselves each time that it is different, while all the while other people get dragged into their drama.
I just can't deal with all of that anymore. I can't afford to be sucked into someone's drama. I can barely handle my own. I just feel guilty at the possibility of abandoning commitments which I've made in order to distance myself from what is an increasingly poisonous situation. I wish that I had some sense of reassurance that the whole thing will straighten itself out in a reasonable length of time. But I gotta say, black =/= white, and I've seen zebras in zoos. All of the sweet talk and attempt to convince me otherwise--and be pissed at me when I don't believe--will not work.
Perhaps I'll meditate on everything, and it'll all become clear. I just don't know how to say what I need to say or do what I need to do without burning bridges or losing friendships. Maybe the best thing is to just say nothing, and walk away for a while. I really don't know.
Maybe, after posting this and getting it off my chest, I'll figure it out. One could only pray.