i never meant to cause you trouble . . . i never meant to do you wrong. . .

[sokunfused]

so todaii was fun i went to class WELL THAT SUCKED ! then went to have the best lunch with melissa had ensalada de tuna y gambas, tortilla de patatas y pizza bread the best part was that i drank a beer with it and had a ciggarette after it was GREAT !! then i talked to kevin it was whatever i hung up on him and then we talked later after i got home and i wanted to tell him on the phone but i just didn't have balls to and i didnt really know if it was what i wanted to do so i figured i'd just wirte it and press send knowing i won't be able to take it back not turning back nothing .... thats it ! and as my fingers type awaii there pruning up from all my tears and i don't think i've ever cried this much over him or anyone but i guess maybe it's cuz i always knew and had it in the back of my head oh this can't be over and this isn't i but i feel it . i know this is the end . and i have made my decision and it's not what i want but i know its what i have to do . . . i got over tony i got over giorgio i'll survive eventually im sure everything will fall into place . . .

hey, i didn't know how to tell u this but i just wanted to tell u not to bother calling me anymore i don't want to waste your time anymore, just do what you did with carmen and u can just cut me out of your life completely. i just know that i cant do this and keep things like this between us i don't like not knowing whats going on and i guess were never gonna be anything more than we are now so just have a great life maybe we'll meet again sometime but i just can't keep doing this to mii self and to you. i just, im sorry i just can't believe that this happened. kevin have a great life i just can't think about you with someone else just the way i think about u, everything that i thought about you has changed and yea i kissed someone and i liked fabian and w/e i dunno i don't care i just never thought of every perusing something with someone and "talking" to someone while being with you and even if it took me a while to tell u b/c i didn't know how i always told u the truth and how i felt even when it was bad even when i didn't know how i felt and even when it wasn't something u wanted to hear or something i wanted to say. so while u may think im the bitch in what was this relationship i just wanna make sure u know and make it clear that while i was here i told everyone i had a bf and never thought of anything with anyone more than hey he's cute fucking around but i just thought it was so fair to be as faithful to u as u were being to me but i guess i was wrong about that so i dunno i just wanted to let u know that and i guess u can say hey i finally decided i was ready to be with u and it came back to bite me in the ass w/e. as the last words to say to u, i just want u to know how much i love u and care about u and i guess u can say this is y im doing this. i wish u the best in everything u do. beii kevin