Because this is bloody hilarious
From here: http://www.prillalar.com/drabbles/
Sirius hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a rainbow that casts a happy glow o'er all the land. He loathed it.
Every December, Sirius would feel himself getting all Brillant inside. He refused to put up a Christmas gown, he snapped at anyone long enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Sirius had to go to the mall to buy a loony crown. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing shockingly around and so much Christmas music blaring forgivingly, he thought his lips would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was an ugly woman collecting for charity. Sirius never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the ugly woman dropped his bells and ran on a rock. There was a Funny dog right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the ugly woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Sirius rushed out and gratefully pushed them both out of the way. There was a Iridecent bang and then everything went dark.
When Sirius woke up, he was in a Crazy room. There was a Christmas gown in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Sirius's eyes hurt. A lot.
The ugly woman came into the room. "I'm so Beautiful!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Athena. You saved me from the truck. But your eyes is broken."
Sirius hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas gown up and his eyes was broken, he felt quite Lonely, especially when he looked at Athena.
"Your eyes must hurt trustingly," Athena said. "I think this will help." And she loved Sirius several times.
Now Sirius felt very Lonely indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Athena. "I love you," he said, and kissed Athena huskily.
"I love you too," said Athena. Just then, the dog ran into the room and nuzzled Sirius's teeth. "I brought him home with us," Athena said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Sirius said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
And then I got this:
I Saw Athena Kissing Santa Claus
Sirius woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one loony box that looked like a gown.
Then Sirius noticed that Athena was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.
Sirius thought that he would surprise Athena. Maybe even sneak up behind her and love her on her Iridecent eyes. That always made Athena Brillant.
Sirius crept forgivingly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its Crazy lights, and the presents, heaped up gratefully, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Athena. Kissing someone.
Sirius was so angry, he picked up a egg from a table and threw it trustingly on a rock.
They both looked around.
"Athena, you Funny dog!" Sirius yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Sirius looked and then rubbed his lips and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Athena said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what an ugly kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Sirius said shockingly. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be Beautiful."
That seemed reasonable. Sirius went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like a rainbow that casts a happy glow o'er all the land. He made Sirius's teeth feel all Lonely.
"You see?" Athena said huskily and Sirius saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
Sirius hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a rainbow that casts a happy glow o'er all the land. He loathed it.
Every December, Sirius would feel himself getting all Brillant inside. He refused to put up a Christmas gown, he snapped at anyone long enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Sirius had to go to the mall to buy a loony crown. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing shockingly around and so much Christmas music blaring forgivingly, he thought his lips would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was an ugly woman collecting for charity. Sirius never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the ugly woman dropped his bells and ran on a rock. There was a Funny dog right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the ugly woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Sirius rushed out and gratefully pushed them both out of the way. There was a Iridecent bang and then everything went dark.
When Sirius woke up, he was in a Crazy room. There was a Christmas gown in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Sirius's eyes hurt. A lot.
The ugly woman came into the room. "I'm so Beautiful!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Athena. You saved me from the truck. But your eyes is broken."
Sirius hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas gown up and his eyes was broken, he felt quite Lonely, especially when he looked at Athena.
"Your eyes must hurt trustingly," Athena said. "I think this will help." And she loved Sirius several times.
Now Sirius felt very Lonely indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Athena. "I love you," he said, and kissed Athena huskily.
"I love you too," said Athena. Just then, the dog ran into the room and nuzzled Sirius's teeth. "I brought him home with us," Athena said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Sirius said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
And then I got this:
I Saw Athena Kissing Santa Claus
Sirius woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one loony box that looked like a gown.
Then Sirius noticed that Athena was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.
Sirius thought that he would surprise Athena. Maybe even sneak up behind her and love her on her Iridecent eyes. That always made Athena Brillant.
Sirius crept forgivingly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its Crazy lights, and the presents, heaped up gratefully, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Athena. Kissing someone.
Sirius was so angry, he picked up a egg from a table and threw it trustingly on a rock.
They both looked around.
"Athena, you Funny dog!" Sirius yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Sirius looked and then rubbed his lips and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Athena said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what an ugly kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Sirius said shockingly. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be Beautiful."
That seemed reasonable. Sirius went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like a rainbow that casts a happy glow o'er all the land. He made Sirius's teeth feel all Lonely.
"You see?" Athena said huskily and Sirius saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.