I've had a breakthrough!
"You're a fucking whore.... goooood damn, you are a fucking whore..... you fucking left..... goooood damn.... you are a fucking whore, I just wanted to let you know you are a whore.... just want you to know you are a whore.... cause he's just gonna use you and abuse you, alright? let him use you and abuse you alright? just like every fucking other guy does alright? later...
Hey, you are a bitch though, HAHAHAHA..... you are a bitch and your about to get used and abused just like I used and abused you bitch, HAHAHAHA..... you're nothing but a fat whore bitch.... later"
So thats the voicemail I got last night. I had to listen to is a few times to make sure I got it right. Hice huh? My friend Kris called me and wanted me to meet them at the square. So i go, we end up leaving to go to a party and long story short, we end up at Chris' house (different than Kris). Well there were like 4 guys and 3 girls… they wanted me to call a girl for Aaron… and everyone kinda paired off…whatever… I don’t do that shit… so Kris wanted me to come “just lay in bed with him”. He promised he wouldn’t try anything and yadda yadda yadda. He just wanted “to talk”. BULLSHIT. I’m not stupid. I didn’t even go in the room, just stood at the doorway and “talked” for a little bit, since that’s what he wanted. Kris and Chris were sooooooo wasted. I don’t think I’ve ever seen 2 people so drunk before. There was no way I was gonna call a friend and invite them over for those assholes. Well I jetted about 5 minutes after getting there. Kris called later and left me that message. And just to clarify… I don’t know who the “he” is that he is referring to and nothing ever happened between Kris and I so he didn’t “use and abuse” me like he thinks he did.
The message is mean but surprisingly it doesn’t really make me feel all that bad. I know in the past if this had happened, I would be balling and depressed and it would have really torn me up inside. I know I didn’t do anything to deserve that message, and I am proud of myself for leaving and not giving in to him (and for those few who know my past, that is a huge thing for me). I’m glad I have changed from my old ways. I used to practically depend on guys for my self-confidence. I just wanted someone to like me and want me and I gave into them way too much for that reason (I know it’s a really screwed up way of thinking, but at the time I didn’t realize it, and I was really screwed up). Last night showed me that I do respect myself now and that I have the confidence to stick up for myself and not care what they might think about me if I leave. It’s what I wanted to do, so I did it. No more doing things just for other people… especially guys. For most of you reading this it might not make much sense, or seem like that big of a deal…. But this is for me. My past is not pretty… I’ve gone through a lot and have definitely dealt with things in the worse way possible. I’m not saying all this for pity, I don’t want pity. For me it is so awesome to be able to take this situation and think about the 2 ways I could have acted, and know which choice I would have made in a heartbeat in the past, and know that I made the right decision last night.
On to other things…. Johnny and I were talking the other day and he was telling me about how he was drunk at some club and dancing with some chick, they were all over each other and they were making out and everything. He said he could have gotten laid if it wasn’t for his friend Ashley being a cock-blocker, haha. He was so pissed! Do you guys know how fucking excited I am?!?!?!?! He’s moving on FINALLY!!!!! I have been waiting for FOREVER to hear something like that! I’m so glad he’s not holding back for me anymore. I always hear about how many girls he has turned down and what not for me and we aren’t even TOGETHER anymore!!!!! Ok, just had to share the good news.
Lately I haven't been up to much. I realized when you add the 20 hrs of class I am in a week and 25hrs I work a week…. That’s more than 40 hrs which is a normal work week for most people right? Well then on top of that 45 hrs, I spend a minimum of a couple hours every night studying/doing homework….. and people always wonder why I am so busy, haha. So obviously I haven’t had much time for anything else… just been working my little tail off trying to be a good responsible little girl. I can FINALLY see the light at the end of the tunnel too! Only one more year of school! Come next august I'm gonna be a workin girl in the real world!!
I have been hanging out with my friend Alvi when I get the chance. I’m so glad to have a soccer friend!!!! This means I will get exercise! Yay! Plus he is so much fun to hang out with, our personalities mesh pretty well. We like fuckin with each other a lot (and no I don’t mean in the dirty way, I mean as in poking fun/making fun of, get it now u pervs?)
Wowsers… that was a long entry……. hehe!