drunken entry = truth....most of the time
I'm wondering how much more beautiful I would have become if I didn't give two years of my life away to indifference. I'm curious if it matters at all. There was a time in my life where I drank to where the world made sense, now I drink until I don't know reality.
In that missed gap, did life pass me by? Would I still become the person that I am now? Would I have been dulled so much that my eyes couldn't help but glaze over?
My words used to mean something. I used to impact people with my wit and ideals.
High school is over. It has been for 2 years.
Maybe I felt arrogant there because most people had no life experience and what I read to them was either a punch in the face, or a way to identify.
Moreso now than ever, I feel that my eloquence is hidden in few and far between phrases, when it used to bless every sentence.
What has happened to my writing??!?!?!?!?!?!?!
It once was my only outlet, my freedom in a world FULL of chaos. My mind was the only escape, and now I feel like I have nowhere to run.
It's not my drinking, I have decided, because lately it hasn't been routine.
So what's wrong with me?!
I feel that I SHOULD just say that I'm "growing up", but I've decided that it's not the answer. I think it's more the position that I've taken in life. Chosen a job over school, because I say that I can't afford it, when really, I'm sure there's a way.
Learning is one of the things that matters most to me, but now I struggle with questions of whether I actually need a degree or not. A degree will not make me smarter. I can learn all of the information on my own..easily. I love debate, but I can have that with my friends.
I feel guilty about working at FUCKING HOT TOPIC! I remember when I was 17, I would never even want to be seen within 100 feet of their store, and now I sell their "urban punk rock for rich kids" merchandise.
I just feel helpless in my current state. I feel outdated in knowledge and am struggling to reach the goals that I've set for myself.
I don't want to become nothing...but I feel that it's how everyone sees me.
God, I just don't want to be a loser.
In that missed gap, did life pass me by? Would I still become the person that I am now? Would I have been dulled so much that my eyes couldn't help but glaze over?
My words used to mean something. I used to impact people with my wit and ideals.
High school is over. It has been for 2 years.
Maybe I felt arrogant there because most people had no life experience and what I read to them was either a punch in the face, or a way to identify.
Moreso now than ever, I feel that my eloquence is hidden in few and far between phrases, when it used to bless every sentence.
What has happened to my writing??!?!?!?!?!?!?!
It once was my only outlet, my freedom in a world FULL of chaos. My mind was the only escape, and now I feel like I have nowhere to run.
It's not my drinking, I have decided, because lately it hasn't been routine.
So what's wrong with me?!
I feel that I SHOULD just say that I'm "growing up", but I've decided that it's not the answer. I think it's more the position that I've taken in life. Chosen a job over school, because I say that I can't afford it, when really, I'm sure there's a way.
Learning is one of the things that matters most to me, but now I struggle with questions of whether I actually need a degree or not. A degree will not make me smarter. I can learn all of the information on my own..easily. I love debate, but I can have that with my friends.
I feel guilty about working at FUCKING HOT TOPIC! I remember when I was 17, I would never even want to be seen within 100 feet of their store, and now I sell their "urban punk rock for rich kids" merchandise.
I just feel helpless in my current state. I feel outdated in knowledge and am struggling to reach the goals that I've set for myself.
I don't want to become nothing...but I feel that it's how everyone sees me.
God, I just don't want to be a loser.