my body feels young, but my mind is very oooooold
Here I am again
it's really early in the morning
I can feel the way the day will go
before it ever even begins
I swallow a pill and head for the door
A light mist is sprinkling,
but I'm expecting a downpour
The sky above seems ominous
the clouds don't seem far enough
away from the ground
My medicine kicks in
and suddenly I focus
on each and every sound
The noise my engine makes when it is turning
the buzz of electricity that is constantly burning
the sound of the city waking up to join me
Springtime colors, all at once
they surround me
I can smell the honeysuckle
wafting its way to me from next door
I can feel my feet begin to tap
anxiously on the car floor
OK, I'm off, I'm on my way
I can already tell it's going
to be one of those days
Where it may take some time for things
to fall into place
where it could be a while
before I get to see his face
But it's going to be a day
that I'm able to be patient
and I can painlessly wait on him
It's a day where it will take more than his absence
to make the light glowing in me begin to dim
Today is just another day
where I will let my soul wander where it wants
Where I am immune to your teases and your taunts
It's still early in the morning yet
But I'm already gathering up my courage
before my ADD ass forgets
It is too late for my mind to do any more changing
to be endlessly rearranging
Something inside of me feels wreckless
I feel an insatiable need for danger
Some kind of outlet for all of this anger
I feel like everything that I want is out of reach
Nobody will ever learn any of lessons I teach
I have tried asking bluntly for what I want,
but I am just endlessly calling
Nobody answers or notices
how quickly I am falling
I am sleep-deprived
I feel barely alive
I have panic attacks
when I wonder how
I will ever survive
In the latest hours of the night,
just before the dawn will be breaking,
that's when I let out a desperate cry for help
to fix all of the mistakes that I keep on making
I don't think at this point I'd mind
if I never saw another familiar face
I think I might even feel better
if I never again heard your voice
I feel like you bastards left me no choice
I can't hear myself think above all of your noise
I know I'll never be graceful, I'll never have poise
But I am beautiful in ways
that you refuse to see
And I am innocent
of what you are accusing me
I realize this is a game
that is impossible to win or lose
The rules are so vague
and I simply do not trust you
I just want relief from all of the burdens
that I carry on my shoulders all of the time
I want some kind of appreciation
even the smallest possible sign
Just let me know that when all of this
comes crashing to an end
You were more than this to me,
more than just a friend
I need more than that from you,
I need your love to mean much more
I can't pay off my debts,
and you know I can't even the score
I love you more than I really ought to
It would be better for me if I just forgot you
But you konw that I can't, that I simply won't
Whether you love me, whether you don't
I'm tired of always having to go it alone
The light inside me is dimming, I glance back,
and you're gone.
--
leah ruthe
it's really early in the morning
I can feel the way the day will go
before it ever even begins
I swallow a pill and head for the door
A light mist is sprinkling,
but I'm expecting a downpour
The sky above seems ominous
the clouds don't seem far enough
away from the ground
My medicine kicks in
and suddenly I focus
on each and every sound
The noise my engine makes when it is turning
the buzz of electricity that is constantly burning
the sound of the city waking up to join me
Springtime colors, all at once
they surround me
I can smell the honeysuckle
wafting its way to me from next door
I can feel my feet begin to tap
anxiously on the car floor
OK, I'm off, I'm on my way
I can already tell it's going
to be one of those days
Where it may take some time for things
to fall into place
where it could be a while
before I get to see his face
But it's going to be a day
that I'm able to be patient
and I can painlessly wait on him
It's a day where it will take more than his absence
to make the light glowing in me begin to dim
Today is just another day
where I will let my soul wander where it wants
Where I am immune to your teases and your taunts
It's still early in the morning yet
But I'm already gathering up my courage
before my ADD ass forgets
It is too late for my mind to do any more changing
to be endlessly rearranging
Something inside of me feels wreckless
I feel an insatiable need for danger
Some kind of outlet for all of this anger
I feel like everything that I want is out of reach
Nobody will ever learn any of lessons I teach
I have tried asking bluntly for what I want,
but I am just endlessly calling
Nobody answers or notices
how quickly I am falling
I am sleep-deprived
I feel barely alive
I have panic attacks
when I wonder how
I will ever survive
In the latest hours of the night,
just before the dawn will be breaking,
that's when I let out a desperate cry for help
to fix all of the mistakes that I keep on making
I don't think at this point I'd mind
if I never saw another familiar face
I think I might even feel better
if I never again heard your voice
I feel like you bastards left me no choice
I can't hear myself think above all of your noise
I know I'll never be graceful, I'll never have poise
But I am beautiful in ways
that you refuse to see
And I am innocent
of what you are accusing me
I realize this is a game
that is impossible to win or lose
The rules are so vague
and I simply do not trust you
I just want relief from all of the burdens
that I carry on my shoulders all of the time
I want some kind of appreciation
even the smallest possible sign
Just let me know that when all of this
comes crashing to an end
You were more than this to me,
more than just a friend
I need more than that from you,
I need your love to mean much more
I can't pay off my debts,
and you know I can't even the score
I love you more than I really ought to
It would be better for me if I just forgot you
But you konw that I can't, that I simply won't
Whether you love me, whether you don't
I'm tired of always having to go it alone
The light inside me is dimming, I glance back,
and you're gone.
--
leah ruthe