hyena girl i can hear you laughing now i can almost hear the sound of your voice

[soitgoes19]

i miss the way things used to be
when i was about two or three
because my happiness
(at least it seemed to me)
was not my responsibility

i miss the way it was before
when i was three or four
and i could barely reach up to open the door
when i wasn't really searching
because i didn't know that there was more

i miss things from a certain time
when i was four or five
when it felt okay to be alive
and my lack of ambition was overlooked
because i was too young to need that drive

now i am twenty-seven going on twenty-eight
and the adventure up till now hasn't really been so great
i have to try so hard not to disassociate
myself from the human race
it's not that hard sometimes, and i've found ways to alleviate
the pain that comes with trying so hard
to find things to appreciate

still, i miss the way things used to be
when i was two or three
when i found magic in everything
when i was a less cynical me
before the rapes and tragedy
when i ran alongside the Baker boys
and knew what it meant to be free.

love,
leah