And then
It has come to my stopping by this journal perhaps once or twice a month. As far as my online activities I've kept it light with the basic social networking sites and occasionally remembering to open up Adium so I can catch folks on chat. I have been writing a lot though. I went old school and purchased four medium sized lined black notebooks. At one point between late 2002 and late 2003 I kept a Book of Records. I recorded anything significant, especially regarding family and my works as a developing Heathen. I lost that binder after a series of disasters and still mourn it. I'm going to continue with this offline writing and expand it to a full year project of photos and journal entries starting on my birthday this year. I intend to set up a separate blog site for that which I will update quarterly and post links to here if anyone should be curious. I'm already wondering just how much doing this will change me.
In other news Anja is four. Yes four! Still trying to wrap my mind around that one. Well that and Amber at sixteen and Daniel at fourteen, you understand. Amber is bent on travel right out of high school and Daniel is on the cusp of wanting to return to New York. He has not come out and said as much yet, but I know. A Mother knows. I knew it would come eventually. The way it did for Amber. She is happy here now and found out what she needed. This is the place for her, for now. Daniel about to begin High School is looking to New York like a sort of mecca. A cultural sprawl full of potential where he can nurture his Artist's heart. I know and he is not all wrong. Just a little fooled by gentle memories and beautiful potential. We shall see.
Recently I have also stumbled across a few people I have been out of touch with and I'm very excited to have them around again. I have also learned there is a person who's circumstances have changed and I intend to track him down and see if he won't consider keeping company with the rest of us again. I've missed him a great deal and he was such a good friend to me. When I first moved to Tulsa and for a good bit after he dove me back and forth to gatherings and meetings. We had the best talks. I was sad to see him go. To watch him pull away because of what in the long run was such a silly misunderstanding. Not even between all of us. I just realized I've been avoiding his name. Not some weird privacy thing either. I just don't say it anymore. It makes me sad I suppose. Nick. There it is. Nick, I miss you and I hope you will come back Brother Bear. For now there are Jennifer and Billy. Both bright, eager, and talented souls. I'm almost hopeful. Being surrounded again by people that are not only friends but of the same spiritual mind is refreshing in a way that can not be adequately described. My faith is a votive one and not meant for the solitary practitioner. Is it possible? well of course. Just ask me. I feel almost selfish in this eagerness for what may be.
Finally my Kindred Brother has been facing such extremes. He was confronted with some truly terrible things by his spouse and once on the cusp of change for the better was pulled back in. Things unraveled with such a fierce suddenness as if in answer to everyone's doubts and his own reluctance. She tipped the scale from borderline personality disorder to a form of adult onset schziophrenia. She is in the Hospital now. What comes next remains to be seen. I will not write much more about it until he says more about it outside our core. group. Its sad though and I find myself yet again furious with the intangible cruelness of that disease.
In other news Anja is four. Yes four! Still trying to wrap my mind around that one. Well that and Amber at sixteen and Daniel at fourteen, you understand. Amber is bent on travel right out of high school and Daniel is on the cusp of wanting to return to New York. He has not come out and said as much yet, but I know. A Mother knows. I knew it would come eventually. The way it did for Amber. She is happy here now and found out what she needed. This is the place for her, for now. Daniel about to begin High School is looking to New York like a sort of mecca. A cultural sprawl full of potential where he can nurture his Artist's heart. I know and he is not all wrong. Just a little fooled by gentle memories and beautiful potential. We shall see.
Recently I have also stumbled across a few people I have been out of touch with and I'm very excited to have them around again. I have also learned there is a person who's circumstances have changed and I intend to track him down and see if he won't consider keeping company with the rest of us again. I've missed him a great deal and he was such a good friend to me. When I first moved to Tulsa and for a good bit after he dove me back and forth to gatherings and meetings. We had the best talks. I was sad to see him go. To watch him pull away because of what in the long run was such a silly misunderstanding. Not even between all of us. I just realized I've been avoiding his name. Not some weird privacy thing either. I just don't say it anymore. It makes me sad I suppose. Nick. There it is. Nick, I miss you and I hope you will come back Brother Bear. For now there are Jennifer and Billy. Both bright, eager, and talented souls. I'm almost hopeful. Being surrounded again by people that are not only friends but of the same spiritual mind is refreshing in a way that can not be adequately described. My faith is a votive one and not meant for the solitary practitioner. Is it possible? well of course. Just ask me. I feel almost selfish in this eagerness for what may be.
Finally my Kindred Brother has been facing such extremes. He was confronted with some truly terrible things by his spouse and once on the cusp of change for the better was pulled back in. Things unraveled with such a fierce suddenness as if in answer to everyone's doubts and his own reluctance. She tipped the scale from borderline personality disorder to a form of adult onset schziophrenia. She is in the Hospital now. What comes next remains to be seen. I will not write much more about it until he says more about it outside our core. group. Its sad though and I find myself yet again furious with the intangible cruelness of that disease.