(no subject)
i'm not sure what to make of this.
you are not seeing the bigger picture. you are misunderstanding my intentions.
you can blame your depression. you can say it is not your fault.
you can tell me you do not want to be anywhere...
and all i can tell you is that it is up to you.
for you to choose to live. it's a line you cross.
i, nor anyone else, can not make the decision for you.
we can only give you advice. it is up to you what you do with it.
and it appears as though what you have chosen is not to accept.
you do not accept life. you do not care about yourself or anyone else.
you do not have respect for yourself.
you've been incapable of stepping outside the confines of the negativity you preach to yourself
over and over and over again.
i do not understand.
i've been at this with you for a year and half and there has not been any give.
what do i do?
i think most other people in this situation would have walked away. everyone, including your parents has told me to give it up.
for you to go into the care of your parents and move on.
what am i holding onto? the idea of what could be.
i didn't know you prior to 2006. i don't know what your relationship previous to this was like.
if you were this depressed.
i'm very loyal and devoted to a person who could care less about me.
what does that say about me? that i have no respect for myself; that i am stupid/ignorant; that i am unrealistic.
i'm not sure.
i ask for you to look at yourself in the mirror.
to look yourself in the eyes.
i wanted you to be aware of how beautiful you are.
i want you to tell yourself
that you are a good person.
that you do not deserve to go through this.
i don't need a break from you.
i need you to find a solution to this.
a solution other than suicide.
i need help. because i don't have anyone holding my hand walking me through this.
i have my experiences, teachings, and my heart.
i have a temper that is triggered after three days of relentless crying.
i'm tired.
your depression is relentless.
my stamina is not.
i do not feel i am able to help any longer.
you are not seeing the bigger picture. you are misunderstanding my intentions.
you can blame your depression. you can say it is not your fault.
you can tell me you do not want to be anywhere...
and all i can tell you is that it is up to you.
for you to choose to live. it's a line you cross.
i, nor anyone else, can not make the decision for you.
we can only give you advice. it is up to you what you do with it.
and it appears as though what you have chosen is not to accept.
you do not accept life. you do not care about yourself or anyone else.
you do not have respect for yourself.
you've been incapable of stepping outside the confines of the negativity you preach to yourself
over and over and over again.
i do not understand.
i've been at this with you for a year and half and there has not been any give.
what do i do?
i think most other people in this situation would have walked away. everyone, including your parents has told me to give it up.
for you to go into the care of your parents and move on.
what am i holding onto? the idea of what could be.
i didn't know you prior to 2006. i don't know what your relationship previous to this was like.
if you were this depressed.
i'm very loyal and devoted to a person who could care less about me.
what does that say about me? that i have no respect for myself; that i am stupid/ignorant; that i am unrealistic.
i'm not sure.
i ask for you to look at yourself in the mirror.
to look yourself in the eyes.
i wanted you to be aware of how beautiful you are.
i want you to tell yourself
that you are a good person.
that you do not deserve to go through this.
i don't need a break from you.
i need you to find a solution to this.
a solution other than suicide.
i need help. because i don't have anyone holding my hand walking me through this.
i have my experiences, teachings, and my heart.
i have a temper that is triggered after three days of relentless crying.
i'm tired.
your depression is relentless.
my stamina is not.
i do not feel i am able to help any longer.