A choice so hard to make I'm about to break.
I feel like I’m 7 again, screaming out to my mother to pay attention to me. Hoping that I would get the recognition that my older sibling got, crying for something, anything to hold on too, my fathers hand, my mother shirt…. But nothing never came…
I just go older and learned how to deal with it, I moved forward with a smile on my face. The hurt in my eyes never went unknown I guess, no one just never said anything. Lost in the field of needles that stung so deep that it made scars throughout my child hood.
Blood, and pain never really leaves the image in your mind, it leave mental image always. You learn when you get older that its just best to lock that door…..
But what do you do, when that door with those feeling are opened for another reason?
A reason we all call ‘love.’
My heart is swimming in this sea of emotions, drowning in the emotional fork in the road prison.
Hikari is one of my needles that keep hitting me deep, I just get this impression that she just thinks I’m just going threw this emotion torment, that I’m going to crawl back to her like I always do.
But not this time, I can’t, I can’t run into those arms of yours. Its something I’m use to but I have to break. I won’t take my anger my hurt out on anyone, my mother did that to me and I hated it, she didn’t beat me or anything, she just refused to get close to me because of her past… That’s another reason I have a problem with my emotions.
I’ve been threw things, but other people have been threw worst.
As most of you know I have a crush on Flame. *Stick up middle finger*
But, you know it doesn’t hurt as bad that he doesn’t return the feeling toward me, he’s explain things to me, I respect him for his devotion, I do. I’m glad he has a heart, a soul, that he’s not afraid to show.
My emotions somehow tied into this whole thing, It wasn’t my place to become angry at anyone at what happened between Toki and Flame and I apologize for that, it wasn’t my place to yell at Mitsu for what happened either, it wasn’t even my business.
I’m so sorry, I got angry for a reason but I shouldn’t have, I really shouldn’t have. Flames business is his own, and I had no right, along with Toki.
You two can do what you want, when you want. I’m no ones girlfriend or boyfriend, I’m just a friend.
This crush and my hurt will not consume the cold, dark heart of mine. I want to have a heart for when I find love in the future or, if I find it… I wanna feel happiness again, but I probably won’t.
If I don’t, I’ll spend the rest of my left making others happiness, I can get some happiness outta of that.
I’m just hurt so hurt, I don’t know what to do. I need comfort but I deny your hand, I don’t want to give people my emotions and then they leave me hanging on this thin line….
I was never one to make the same mistake three times. I messed up twice doing that to Hikari. I gave her everything twice, and I hurt myself more.
Don’t get me wrong, Hikari is a great person she just doesn’t know who to deal with her feeling, and attitude. She’ll learn I’m sure. I tired to teach her but, it didn’t work out, that’s something you have to learn for yourself.
Crying while writing this thing, is hard but I jus can’t stop it. They just keep coming, years of pain out of my own brown eyes.
Pain that’s all I feel.
Thank you all for reading. I appreciate it.
I just go older and learned how to deal with it, I moved forward with a smile on my face. The hurt in my eyes never went unknown I guess, no one just never said anything. Lost in the field of needles that stung so deep that it made scars throughout my child hood.
Blood, and pain never really leaves the image in your mind, it leave mental image always. You learn when you get older that its just best to lock that door…..
But what do you do, when that door with those feeling are opened for another reason?
A reason we all call ‘love.’
My heart is swimming in this sea of emotions, drowning in the emotional fork in the road prison.
Hikari is one of my needles that keep hitting me deep, I just get this impression that she just thinks I’m just going threw this emotion torment, that I’m going to crawl back to her like I always do.
But not this time, I can’t, I can’t run into those arms of yours. Its something I’m use to but I have to break. I won’t take my anger my hurt out on anyone, my mother did that to me and I hated it, she didn’t beat me or anything, she just refused to get close to me because of her past… That’s another reason I have a problem with my emotions.
I’ve been threw things, but other people have been threw worst.
As most of you know I have a crush on Flame. *Stick up middle finger*
But, you know it doesn’t hurt as bad that he doesn’t return the feeling toward me, he’s explain things to me, I respect him for his devotion, I do. I’m glad he has a heart, a soul, that he’s not afraid to show.
My emotions somehow tied into this whole thing, It wasn’t my place to become angry at anyone at what happened between Toki and Flame and I apologize for that, it wasn’t my place to yell at Mitsu for what happened either, it wasn’t even my business.
I’m so sorry, I got angry for a reason but I shouldn’t have, I really shouldn’t have. Flames business is his own, and I had no right, along with Toki.
You two can do what you want, when you want. I’m no ones girlfriend or boyfriend, I’m just a friend.
This crush and my hurt will not consume the cold, dark heart of mine. I want to have a heart for when I find love in the future or, if I find it… I wanna feel happiness again, but I probably won’t.
If I don’t, I’ll spend the rest of my left making others happiness, I can get some happiness outta of that.
I’m just hurt so hurt, I don’t know what to do. I need comfort but I deny your hand, I don’t want to give people my emotions and then they leave me hanging on this thin line….
I was never one to make the same mistake three times. I messed up twice doing that to Hikari. I gave her everything twice, and I hurt myself more.
Don’t get me wrong, Hikari is a great person she just doesn’t know who to deal with her feeling, and attitude. She’ll learn I’m sure. I tired to teach her but, it didn’t work out, that’s something you have to learn for yourself.
Crying while writing this thing, is hard but I jus can’t stop it. They just keep coming, years of pain out of my own brown eyes.
Pain that’s all I feel.
Thank you all for reading. I appreciate it.