(no subject)
aaargh i just feel so restless, nothing will occupy me and whilst i claim that this pissed off feeling is related to nothing. i know the truth, and that is pissing me off even more.
surprise, surprise, its about a guy. he hasn't even done anything wrong. i'm pissed off because i need him, i miss him desperately and i know he loves me madly and very very deeply i just dont feel that my incessant (sp?) need to be near him is reciprocated.
its biological. women, in the struggle for survival, cling to their man. men, in the biological inclination to spread their seed as far and wide as possible are a little more aloof. its not their fault
fucking annoying though.
and the more needy i get the more annoyed i get with myself, and the more annoying and self-deprocating (sp?) i get the more i need his assurance that im a good person. fucking catch 22.
our time together is so incredibly focused, we spent 3 or four hours naked in bed last night not touching just talking, face to face on the pillow, talking about crazy shit like how his ex-girlfriend broke his heart and how my ex broke mine and how we found salvation in the simplicity and honesty that is our relationship. we openly thank the wankers that are our exes for teaching us the harsh way that relationships aren't what we'd imagined. we thanked them because without that fuck-up our relationship wouldnt have stood a chance. i never thought i'd find myself thanking chris. but in that hazy, semi-drunken darkness everything was clear and clowy was all i could see, think about.
our relationship is tainted by the fact that i know the spell will be broken, in september our long nights of chatting or just sitting and sayign nothing but "i love you" will be gone save a few precious hours every 6 weeks or something equally painful. and we've had this since we were almost 16. i'm now 18, so much has changed but we've always grown together and this is gonna wrench us apart. how am i going to cope without something that has been an enormosu part of my daily life for almost 3 years?
it scares me shitless.
surprise, surprise, its about a guy. he hasn't even done anything wrong. i'm pissed off because i need him, i miss him desperately and i know he loves me madly and very very deeply i just dont feel that my incessant (sp?) need to be near him is reciprocated.
its biological. women, in the struggle for survival, cling to their man. men, in the biological inclination to spread their seed as far and wide as possible are a little more aloof. its not their fault
fucking annoying though.
and the more needy i get the more annoyed i get with myself, and the more annoying and self-deprocating (sp?) i get the more i need his assurance that im a good person. fucking catch 22.
our time together is so incredibly focused, we spent 3 or four hours naked in bed last night not touching just talking, face to face on the pillow, talking about crazy shit like how his ex-girlfriend broke his heart and how my ex broke mine and how we found salvation in the simplicity and honesty that is our relationship. we openly thank the wankers that are our exes for teaching us the harsh way that relationships aren't what we'd imagined. we thanked them because without that fuck-up our relationship wouldnt have stood a chance. i never thought i'd find myself thanking chris. but in that hazy, semi-drunken darkness everything was clear and clowy was all i could see, think about.
our relationship is tainted by the fact that i know the spell will be broken, in september our long nights of chatting or just sitting and sayign nothing but "i love you" will be gone save a few precious hours every 6 weeks or something equally painful. and we've had this since we were almost 16. i'm now 18, so much has changed but we've always grown together and this is gonna wrench us apart. how am i going to cope without something that has been an enormosu part of my daily life for almost 3 years?
it scares me shitless.