Home Sweet Home
Just got in. Ran out to pick up Brit, then we stopped by Sterling Manor. Closed. Chels' house is right near there, so we stopped by, and stayed and talked for about half an hour. Then we decided to go to Penn Station, which I've actually never been to, and it was fabulous. Great subs. Discussed guys over dinner. Chels is PMSing or something, and decides she needs icecream, so we go right next door to McDonalds for McFlurries. I'm sure anyone who saw us couldn't help thinking "PIGS!", what with us going from one restaurant to the next. Dropped Chels off, then Brit, then ran home. I only had a quarter tank left so I bummed ten bucks off Mommy and ran up the street for gas. Then home again.
Now, it's time to do homework and watch TV and numerous other pointless activities. Everything is generally okay. I'm actually looking forward to work - I'll be making lots of cash, and I'll have time to just chill and do homework or read or whatever. Then I have a totally free weekend for the first time in a long time.
But at the same time, life can be rather dull, I think. Sometimes it feels like I'm just going through the motions - I mean, in the end, does it really matter? Not usually. It's like everything about me is manufactured and fake, and totally separate from what I really want. All my relationships. My personality. More often than not, it's difficult to separate what I feel from what I think I -should- feel, and people wind up getting hurt. It makes me feel... ungenuine, and tainted, being that way.
Oh well. I've made a resolution. I'm just going to forget everything that's happened to me before this point, every bad thing I've done and every good thing I've done, too. I'm going to erase all the things I thought I felt or pretended to feel. I'm not going to dislike anyone for what they've done in the past, but I'm not going to love them for it either. I'm going to forget about all my preconceived notions of people, even the people I call my friends, and judge them based on how they are from here on out. For once, I'm just going to let things happen without having some grand scheme in mind. I'm going to take an objective look at my life, and I think this will help me figure out what I really want.
A clean slate.
Maybe I should get a new journal to start things off right? I'll have to ask Karina. She knows everything.
Now, it's time to do homework and watch TV and numerous other pointless activities. Everything is generally okay. I'm actually looking forward to work - I'll be making lots of cash, and I'll have time to just chill and do homework or read or whatever. Then I have a totally free weekend for the first time in a long time.
But at the same time, life can be rather dull, I think. Sometimes it feels like I'm just going through the motions - I mean, in the end, does it really matter? Not usually. It's like everything about me is manufactured and fake, and totally separate from what I really want. All my relationships. My personality. More often than not, it's difficult to separate what I feel from what I think I -should- feel, and people wind up getting hurt. It makes me feel... ungenuine, and tainted, being that way.
Oh well. I've made a resolution. I'm just going to forget everything that's happened to me before this point, every bad thing I've done and every good thing I've done, too. I'm going to erase all the things I thought I felt or pretended to feel. I'm not going to dislike anyone for what they've done in the past, but I'm not going to love them for it either. I'm going to forget about all my preconceived notions of people, even the people I call my friends, and judge them based on how they are from here on out. For once, I'm just going to let things happen without having some grand scheme in mind. I'm going to take an objective look at my life, and I think this will help me figure out what I really want.
A clean slate.
Maybe I should get a new journal to start things off right? I'll have to ask Karina. She knows everything.