fuck it im done

Mar 09, 2005 20:33

monday i did absolutely nothing, i was suppose to stay after for a meeting but i didnt because i didnt feel like it. instead i went home and did absolutely nothing, i talked on the fone alot i know that. cant wait for dad to get this bill. i also listened to music, and thought, alot, as usual. but about nothing special, okay i lied, about everything that is going on but its not like it matters, no one cares anyways.

tuesday i went to school, and it started to snow, alot. after school i went to nates house to hang out. he is going to teach me to play electric guitar but yesterday it was too cold to go in his garage so we just hung out. as soon as i got there he gave me a grand tour of the house. and then we sat in his room and read his wall and talked. after like an hour we went downstairs and watched tv, then we went outside to see the horses and his diseased duck. we went back inside and i was covered in snow. and i had my chucks on so my feet were soaked. when we went inside he showed me his bass and then went upstairs in his room and talked again until my stepdad came to pick me up. it was fun, and good to get out of the house.

today just sucked, all around. but then again every day for me does. nothing good happened to me at all. we had a 2 hour delay and the whole time i just layed in bed. i tried to sleep but couldnt so i just layed there and thought about things. i eventually went to school and the day just suckedd. on the bus ride home i wasnt too happy considering people just plain suck and are like oh yay 50 cent and ashlee simpson. fuck yeah they rock. srry but i would rather listen to REAL music, not a keyboard, and lipsinging. der. i got home, talked on the fone for a little bit and then my dad picked me up. i came to my dads house, talked online, and then went to the basketball game. i saw pierce who i havent seen since forever, and the girls won, i think it was like 69-47. i yelled *I LOVE YOU TIF* with danielle, but im not sure if she heard us. after that i came back here. and ive been talking online. fun right? *coughs*

my mom is home for good now. and i think i like it but im not staying there cuz my dad is moving still. its good to have her around again.

fuck you for being suck a dickhead. ive done everything i can really i have. i dont know what else to say to you or what i should do but im trying my best, this is who i am why cant you accept it? seriously. i dont think that i have changed that much, and things arent suppose to change that quick either, it makes me think if you were lying to me in the first place or if your lying now. i dont get why i cant just give up, but im not going to, it means too much. i love the way that you show how you care.

i dont hate you, i could never hate you. okay i lied i probably could but i dont right now. jealousy maybe? im not sure. i really dont care, its not like anyone else cares so why should i? that makes sence.... right?

whatever fuck everything. im just giving up on life, its not worth it anyways.

count of crying is now up to 12 days in a row. love you too.

i really want to go back to saturday, that was great, it got everything off my mind and made me really happy. and i like being happy. there isnt a better feeling.

kthnxbye
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