something completely uncreative and unoriginal is just the beginning
sooo lets start off with the fact that as usual i was pretty anxious to practice again tonight. we went, we practiced and we disputed. we disputed like we always dispute, attitudes flare and harsh words fly back and forth until someone just shuts the fuck up. i don't know why im so stressed all of a sudden, and why something so stupid, immature and childish would piss me off beyond belief, but maybe its because theres no one i really feel i can talk to anymore. there are very few, for the most part, the people i can talk to, i don't want to, and the people i want to talk to, i can't because everyone has a really big oral fixation (is that how you spell it) on telling the world everyone elses problems and feelings, whether its their girlfriend or their best friend or whomever. anyway, basically it was me versus the rest of my band, they all wanted to write new songs (we've already written 3 new ones, that aren't on the album, thats what i'm counting as new). frank has a new song hes written, jonathan has a song he wants to work on, and even i have a song that i would like to work on eventually. its not everyones elses feelings, but i feel like we're trying to rush and write new songs, every time we go to practice its all about writing another song, or finishing this one. we've pretty much finished our newest song, dave still has to work out some lyrics to it. fine, but that means we're not finished with it...we don't know the song as well as we should yet, so why start writing a new one? to progress? theres still an ENTIRE NATION, that hasn't heard ANY of these songs on our CD. and half of the CD we don't even play, because this one doesn't like that song, that one just doesn't wanna play it, so half of the CD that JUST came out 4 months ago, we don't even know how to play anymore because we've been playing the EXACT same set for 6 months. progress is GREAT, thats obviously what a band HAS to do in order to survive, you have to write new songs, blah blah blah blah. but i personally feel that now isn't the time to write new songs. every show we play, we play like shit, i can't remember the last time i was actually HAPPY about the set we played. so why start writing new songs, when we can't play the old ones? WE CAN'T PLAY THE SONGS WE JUST PUT ON A CD 4 MONTHS AGO. is that not strange? this isn't even that part that upset me at all, i'm just ranting...anyway, what pissed me off, was that THIS was what we were disputing about and jonathan HAD to say something along the lines as "well why should we stand still? why should we hold back and not write new songs? if YOU (talking to me)wanna "stand still" then why don't you go find a different band and not do anything with them..."
and normally, i think of myself as pretty easy going, and a comment like that i would just shrug off and be like whatever. and i know jonathan may have been sarcastic in saying that, he may not have been. but i can't see where he got the nerve OF ALL PEOPLE to say that. HE'S the fuckin one who couldn't take off of school last semester, when the rest of the band threw away what we had, just to go on tour for 2 1/2 weeks. 2 1/2 fuckin weeks we toured. and HE'S the one that can't spend MORE than 2 1/2 weeks away from his girlfriend. so I'M the one that is standing still, or WANTS to stand still. WHERE THE FUCK IS THE LOGIC IN THAT. granted, its also not easy for me to drop school, but i did it, and i wouldn't let my girlfriend stop me from going on tour. this band is what i LOVE, there is nothing else in the world, besides my FAMILY that i love more. i would do anything and everything in my power for this band, every last CENT that i've made from working my fuckin ass off has gone to the thousands of dollars i've spent on my equipment, paying for practices, etc. i've layed out money (and i'm not saying i'm the only one) for buying things we needed, as a band. and still haven't received it back. i coned my mother into lending us 2500 OUT OF MY COLLEGE fund, so we could get our CD's and some merch. and go on tour. I went to the DMV, took a defensive driving course so our insurance was lower, picked up the van, picked up the trailer, cleaned the van, worked (or at least tried to work) on the van or brought it in to the shop when it needed to be fixed, i put the van and the insurance in MY name, i put MY ass on the line when we left for tour cause if something happened to the van or anything I was the one getting fucked over, all the insurance company knew was that the van was being used to go from my house, to work cause anything else would've cost a whole lot more. and the list goes on...i'm not looking for any recognition...i would do it ALL again, or maybe just a few things...haha...because i love this band and would do whatever i could to better it. and i don't need stupid comments like that. if everyone really wants to write new songs and they think that that is in the best interest of the band, then fine, lets write new songs, i was just voicing my opinion as to why i didn't want to write songs. and to hear that from jonathan was like a smack in the face. he was the very very last person in the universe that should've said that. but then again, thats what i think. anyway, this is waaaaayyy long enough. i just needed to rant and talk about something, even if I AM the only one reading it. i think i feel a little bit better about it. goodnight everyone.
and normally, i think of myself as pretty easy going, and a comment like that i would just shrug off and be like whatever. and i know jonathan may have been sarcastic in saying that, he may not have been. but i can't see where he got the nerve OF ALL PEOPLE to say that. HE'S the fuckin one who couldn't take off of school last semester, when the rest of the band threw away what we had, just to go on tour for 2 1/2 weeks. 2 1/2 fuckin weeks we toured. and HE'S the one that can't spend MORE than 2 1/2 weeks away from his girlfriend. so I'M the one that is standing still, or WANTS to stand still. WHERE THE FUCK IS THE LOGIC IN THAT. granted, its also not easy for me to drop school, but i did it, and i wouldn't let my girlfriend stop me from going on tour. this band is what i LOVE, there is nothing else in the world, besides my FAMILY that i love more. i would do anything and everything in my power for this band, every last CENT that i've made from working my fuckin ass off has gone to the thousands of dollars i've spent on my equipment, paying for practices, etc. i've layed out money (and i'm not saying i'm the only one) for buying things we needed, as a band. and still haven't received it back. i coned my mother into lending us 2500 OUT OF MY COLLEGE fund, so we could get our CD's and some merch. and go on tour. I went to the DMV, took a defensive driving course so our insurance was lower, picked up the van, picked up the trailer, cleaned the van, worked (or at least tried to work) on the van or brought it in to the shop when it needed to be fixed, i put the van and the insurance in MY name, i put MY ass on the line when we left for tour cause if something happened to the van or anything I was the one getting fucked over, all the insurance company knew was that the van was being used to go from my house, to work cause anything else would've cost a whole lot more. and the list goes on...i'm not looking for any recognition...i would do it ALL again, or maybe just a few things...haha...because i love this band and would do whatever i could to better it. and i don't need stupid comments like that. if everyone really wants to write new songs and they think that that is in the best interest of the band, then fine, lets write new songs, i was just voicing my opinion as to why i didn't want to write songs. and to hear that from jonathan was like a smack in the face. he was the very very last person in the universe that should've said that. but then again, thats what i think. anyway, this is waaaaayyy long enough. i just needed to rant and talk about something, even if I AM the only one reading it. i think i feel a little bit better about it. goodnight everyone.