cookies
So yesterday at the event I received my millrind (for those who dont know it is a award for service/volunteering) I had many mixed emotions about receiving it. I was happy and got teary eyed when they called the order - in fact I couldn't look at the queen or I knew I would have lost it. But I was also disappointed. I been thinking about it and trying to figure it out why. It comes down to there very few friends were at the event. The greatness of receiving the award is not the award itself, but sharing it with friends. They were suppose to give me the award the event before where all my friends were at, but forgot the scroll so did it yesterday instead. So here I was receiving a great thing and had few to share it with. For me the sharing is the important thing. Celebrating a positive thing in my life with those I love. Telling people after wards is just bragging and very much not the same. So I was happy, disappointed, and part of didn't believe I deserved it yet. But I know I hold myself to extremely high standards. My standards was that I deserved it maybe in a year or two after being senechal and/or kingdom TW marshall. Part of my realizes that this is a ridiculous standard, but part of me believes what I have done up to now is me just being me. But if you told me about someone else who has done what I have done I would say they deserve it, just not me :)Then again I am not here for the cookie but the fun. And life would have been just a little bit sweeter if I could have shared my joy yesterday with more of those I choose as my family.