droooone on
So maybe only taking three classes was a good idea. Not that I couldn't handle more, I just wish I had the time. My job requires a huge chunk of my life, now moreso than ever, starting next week. I will FINALLY be able to work 40 hours, which means, I will FINALLY possess enough money to put away for future expenditures. (you know, really necessary things, such as going to Hawaii and going to New York...and buying an IPod...and clothes... I'm definitely mapping my future out here.) So yeah, anyway, I'm moving out of the photo lab and becoming an OMP, which sounds really official: Office/Management/Personnel. Simply means I'll be able to wander around the store with a shelftag scanner. At 5 in the morning. With no customers to distract me from my rudimentary procedures. Hell. Yes.
To bore you even further, I'm doing surprisingly well in my classes. I haven't gotten my photography midterm exam grade back yet, so I don't want to knock on wood here, but I have been getting A's on EVERYTHING I've done so far. Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but....okay, so I am. Hey, it's EXCITING. I'm a just little obsessive about studying, which is by no means a bad thing, and I've never considered myself an average, cool 20-something woman, but turning down a party invitation in exchange for a night of rabid studying might be a far cry from the norm. Yeah, the barest of a social life I once thought I had has been completely extinguished. If I do happen to hang out with an individual, especially the night before an exam, I force that particular person to become my study buddy. I might be willing to go out for coffee, but ONLY on the condition that I WILL be quizzed later in the evening. Needless to say, I haven't gotten a lot of requests for coffee lately. Heh.
I am a nerd. But I have my priorities aligned, I suppose. There will be plenty of time for relaxation in the future. Right now, I have one goal in mind and that is to ABSOLUTELY NOT FAIL EVER AGAIN!! I hope to God this ambitious streak turns into a constant. That it's not simply built on the fear that I am still capable of being a huge disappointment. That it's ALSO not preventing me from coming to grips with other issues I don't feel like reckoning with. If working my ass off is considered a defense mechanism, then it's a pretty damned healthy one, if I do say so myself. Yes, but defense mechanisms can also be temporary, and I don't want my promising grades to be temporary, which leads me back to that fear, which leads me right back to putting EVERYTHING else on the backburner and focusing on not letting that fear become a reality, which inspires me to work my ass off...and it all goes full circle. Good grades, a good GPA, a quasi-promotion, you can't argue with that concrete proof because it all defines me as NOT a failure. It also creates a positive roadmap to the future because now I see a future, and it looks pretty good to me.
I probably just need to get laid. *cough* Because that's a cure-all, no doubt. ;)
Here I am, just droning on like I typically do. Which is fun. Yep. So, it's late at night; that's one of my myriad excuses. I'll stop while I'm ahead. Just thought I'd update the livejournal, and yeah...good night. Happy belated Halloween. ;)
To bore you even further, I'm doing surprisingly well in my classes. I haven't gotten my photography midterm exam grade back yet, so I don't want to knock on wood here, but I have been getting A's on EVERYTHING I've done so far. Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but....okay, so I am. Hey, it's EXCITING. I'm a just little obsessive about studying, which is by no means a bad thing, and I've never considered myself an average, cool 20-something woman, but turning down a party invitation in exchange for a night of rabid studying might be a far cry from the norm. Yeah, the barest of a social life I once thought I had has been completely extinguished. If I do happen to hang out with an individual, especially the night before an exam, I force that particular person to become my study buddy. I might be willing to go out for coffee, but ONLY on the condition that I WILL be quizzed later in the evening. Needless to say, I haven't gotten a lot of requests for coffee lately. Heh.
I am a nerd. But I have my priorities aligned, I suppose. There will be plenty of time for relaxation in the future. Right now, I have one goal in mind and that is to ABSOLUTELY NOT FAIL EVER AGAIN!! I hope to God this ambitious streak turns into a constant. That it's not simply built on the fear that I am still capable of being a huge disappointment. That it's ALSO not preventing me from coming to grips with other issues I don't feel like reckoning with. If working my ass off is considered a defense mechanism, then it's a pretty damned healthy one, if I do say so myself. Yes, but defense mechanisms can also be temporary, and I don't want my promising grades to be temporary, which leads me back to that fear, which leads me right back to putting EVERYTHING else on the backburner and focusing on not letting that fear become a reality, which inspires me to work my ass off...and it all goes full circle. Good grades, a good GPA, a quasi-promotion, you can't argue with that concrete proof because it all defines me as NOT a failure. It also creates a positive roadmap to the future because now I see a future, and it looks pretty good to me.
I probably just need to get laid. *cough* Because that's a cure-all, no doubt. ;)
Here I am, just droning on like I typically do. Which is fun. Yep. So, it's late at night; that's one of my myriad excuses. I'll stop while I'm ahead. Just thought I'd update the livejournal, and yeah...good night. Happy belated Halloween. ;)