(no subject)
There were a few important things I missed out in my last update because I thought it didn't matter anymore, that everything was solved.
Last week, last wednesday, my mum, rather drunk and pissed of at her boyfriend who she has been trying to kick out for about 6 months now but REFUSES TO LEAVE, had a fight with me. It wasn't about anything important but it resulting in me leaving for my dads at 2am and staying there for about 5 days. When I returned peter (mums boyfriend) mentioned that mum had thought I wasn't coming back at all.
A few days ago I told her Tim is coming and that I will move into dads while he is here. I explained that it wasnt anything to do with her, that it was because there's more room there. I also told her that it was because we had been living with her ever since mum and dad broke up... 5 years ago... and that it didnt seem fair to dad. she seemed fine when i told her and i jsut assumed she understood and thought it fair too.
Today I found a piece of paper and saw my name on it so I read it. It was written by her the night I went to my dads and was saying how she was feeling suicidal and the only thing keeping her alive was my brother and i. it also said that she felt we didnt need her anymore.
About five minutes ago Peter asked if Im still moving into my dads. I told him I am and explained why. He then told me that mum was really upset the day I told her and that she is still really upset.
This broke my heart. I know how hard everything has been for my mum and I believe her when she says the only thing that keeps her alive is my brother and i. there doesnt seem to be anything else going right in her life. and now i feel im making it worse. i feel like im making her life, which is already pretty bad, so much harder. I don't think I should stay here jsut because it will be easier on her but at the same time, the last thing I want to do is to make things worse.
*sigh* i dont know what to do
Last week, last wednesday, my mum, rather drunk and pissed of at her boyfriend who she has been trying to kick out for about 6 months now but REFUSES TO LEAVE, had a fight with me. It wasn't about anything important but it resulting in me leaving for my dads at 2am and staying there for about 5 days. When I returned peter (mums boyfriend) mentioned that mum had thought I wasn't coming back at all.
A few days ago I told her Tim is coming and that I will move into dads while he is here. I explained that it wasnt anything to do with her, that it was because there's more room there. I also told her that it was because we had been living with her ever since mum and dad broke up... 5 years ago... and that it didnt seem fair to dad. she seemed fine when i told her and i jsut assumed she understood and thought it fair too.
Today I found a piece of paper and saw my name on it so I read it. It was written by her the night I went to my dads and was saying how she was feeling suicidal and the only thing keeping her alive was my brother and i. it also said that she felt we didnt need her anymore.
About five minutes ago Peter asked if Im still moving into my dads. I told him I am and explained why. He then told me that mum was really upset the day I told her and that she is still really upset.
This broke my heart. I know how hard everything has been for my mum and I believe her when she says the only thing that keeps her alive is my brother and i. there doesnt seem to be anything else going right in her life. and now i feel im making it worse. i feel like im making her life, which is already pretty bad, so much harder. I don't think I should stay here jsut because it will be easier on her but at the same time, the last thing I want to do is to make things worse.
*sigh* i dont know what to do