Wow, it's been a long time since I've had a long vent like this...
So tonight is the big announcement!! Who will be on Dancing With the Stars Season 6? Tune in to Dance Wars: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann to find out!
hrm. okay. now that I got that little plug in.
haha can you tell I'm excited?
So. 2 more weeks til Spring Break...so excited. Except that I'm starting to get so effing burnt out again that I'm scared what it's going to do to my grades. Spring Break couldn't get here sooner. I've been so good with my studies this semester...not my best, but definately better than last semester. But my slacking started today and I need to pull myself out of it...I slept through my first class, went to my second class, and then skipped my third class. Ugh, not a good percentage there. This is how I start screwing myself over...getting lazy and not going to class. Although it would help if the damn sky could stop sending snow our way for like 1 week. damn lake effect. blech.
but, like seriously. am i crazy to feel like i'd be more motivated to go to class if the sun was shining outside? or at least if there was no snow and the ground was dry. Like, honestly, i could care less if it's cloudy for awhile, as long as the ground is dry and i'm walking on cement. and there's no wind and snow whipping in my face so by the time I'm at the building my class is my eyes are watering. is that so crazy to think?
i just really need to do good this semester after how bad i fucked last semester up and i'm starting to freak out about it.
ughhhh.
i am such a bitch to my family and boyfriend back home on the phone when i come back to gv after being home for a weekend. i hate it, but i can't help it. it's like i'm preventing myself from missing them or something. i just wish they could understand that instead of getting upset.
okay. so i went home this past weekend, right? everything was pretty much amazing...no fighting, got to spend time with the fam and grandparents and boyfriend and a small amt of time with the sosa's. however, one big thing was not amazing. i come home thursday night and go upstairs to my room and find out that it's not my room anymore. well, i mean, technically it is my room, but it was not the room i left. there was new carpet and the walls were painted. those two things i was fine with. my old carpet was terribly worn out so i needed new carpet and the color they picked was okay. and my walls were painted yellow, which was fine with me since that's the color i wanted those walls when i moved in when i was 10 years old. and my mom tricked me back then and told me the color she picked out went on white and would dry yellow. ha, i was so gullible. of course it was just plain white. so it was nice (albeit 10 years later) to finally have my walls the color i always wanted. but, the next few points is what i absolutely hated. they had thrown out my mattress, which i was in love with, and bought me a new firm (i don't sleep on firm mattresses, i like them soft.) mattress. they threw out the pillow i've slept on since i was a toddler and bought me a new one. they threw out my old pretty gold head board and got a new silver medevial looking one. all of my stuff was in boxes (thanfully the lady who painted my room got to the stuff first and boxed it up...if my parents would have gotten to the shelves first all my stuff would have been thrown out.) and in my closet. and my room was totally rearranged...when i've told my parents time and time again that the way it was arranged was the only way i feel comfortable sleeping in my room (it's a weird mental thing, but it's for real. i feel so uneasy if my room is any other way). all those other things made me so upset and just start bawling my eyes out. I refused to go in the room because it just wasn't my room anymore.
Now, my whole life I've hated change. I just don't do it well. It takes me a long time to deal with any change at all, let alone a big one. Also, I have had issues with control my whole life...and one thing I can always count on to control is my room. So why would my parents and youngest brother do all this without telling me? They knew how I would react. They knew I would cry and freak out. They knew I'd be so upset. So why do it other than to just torture me? I mean, I understand that I can be a drama queen sometimes...and that I can tend to overreact. My mom remarked to me how spoiled I am that they even did all that for me when I live in the room maybe 4 months out of the year with summer and christmas and breaks combined and that a bunch of my friends would die to have a room like that. which i don't disagree with. But they know that I'm not one of those people. I mean, it just doesn't feel like my room anymore. I felt like I was in a guest room when I finally got up enough nerve to step into the room (at 2am). There's barely anything that speaks of my personality and my life and my past and anything in there. And the worst part is that I didn't even know that the last time I slept in my bed and in my room would be the last time and I would come back to something that wasn't mine. I mean, I had absolutely no input into this new room. That's pretty sneaky and crappy on their part I feel like.
Ugh, so anyway, that was the worst part of the weekend. When I move home for the summer I'm rearranging my furniture how I like it and putting my stuff back up on the shelves. Maybe then it'll be better. If I can ever get comfortable on the firm mattress...
Alright well, I'm hungry. I'm gonna go search for some sign of food in our empty refrigerator...
hrm. okay. now that I got that little plug in.
haha can you tell I'm excited?
So. 2 more weeks til Spring Break...so excited. Except that I'm starting to get so effing burnt out again that I'm scared what it's going to do to my grades. Spring Break couldn't get here sooner. I've been so good with my studies this semester...not my best, but definately better than last semester. But my slacking started today and I need to pull myself out of it...I slept through my first class, went to my second class, and then skipped my third class. Ugh, not a good percentage there. This is how I start screwing myself over...getting lazy and not going to class. Although it would help if the damn sky could stop sending snow our way for like 1 week. damn lake effect. blech.
but, like seriously. am i crazy to feel like i'd be more motivated to go to class if the sun was shining outside? or at least if there was no snow and the ground was dry. Like, honestly, i could care less if it's cloudy for awhile, as long as the ground is dry and i'm walking on cement. and there's no wind and snow whipping in my face so by the time I'm at the building my class is my eyes are watering. is that so crazy to think?
i just really need to do good this semester after how bad i fucked last semester up and i'm starting to freak out about it.
ughhhh.
i am such a bitch to my family and boyfriend back home on the phone when i come back to gv after being home for a weekend. i hate it, but i can't help it. it's like i'm preventing myself from missing them or something. i just wish they could understand that instead of getting upset.
okay. so i went home this past weekend, right? everything was pretty much amazing...no fighting, got to spend time with the fam and grandparents and boyfriend and a small amt of time with the sosa's. however, one big thing was not amazing. i come home thursday night and go upstairs to my room and find out that it's not my room anymore. well, i mean, technically it is my room, but it was not the room i left. there was new carpet and the walls were painted. those two things i was fine with. my old carpet was terribly worn out so i needed new carpet and the color they picked was okay. and my walls were painted yellow, which was fine with me since that's the color i wanted those walls when i moved in when i was 10 years old. and my mom tricked me back then and told me the color she picked out went on white and would dry yellow. ha, i was so gullible. of course it was just plain white. so it was nice (albeit 10 years later) to finally have my walls the color i always wanted. but, the next few points is what i absolutely hated. they had thrown out my mattress, which i was in love with, and bought me a new firm (i don't sleep on firm mattresses, i like them soft.) mattress. they threw out the pillow i've slept on since i was a toddler and bought me a new one. they threw out my old pretty gold head board and got a new silver medevial looking one. all of my stuff was in boxes (thanfully the lady who painted my room got to the stuff first and boxed it up...if my parents would have gotten to the shelves first all my stuff would have been thrown out.) and in my closet. and my room was totally rearranged...when i've told my parents time and time again that the way it was arranged was the only way i feel comfortable sleeping in my room (it's a weird mental thing, but it's for real. i feel so uneasy if my room is any other way). all those other things made me so upset and just start bawling my eyes out. I refused to go in the room because it just wasn't my room anymore.
Now, my whole life I've hated change. I just don't do it well. It takes me a long time to deal with any change at all, let alone a big one. Also, I have had issues with control my whole life...and one thing I can always count on to control is my room. So why would my parents and youngest brother do all this without telling me? They knew how I would react. They knew I would cry and freak out. They knew I'd be so upset. So why do it other than to just torture me? I mean, I understand that I can be a drama queen sometimes...and that I can tend to overreact. My mom remarked to me how spoiled I am that they even did all that for me when I live in the room maybe 4 months out of the year with summer and christmas and breaks combined and that a bunch of my friends would die to have a room like that. which i don't disagree with. But they know that I'm not one of those people. I mean, it just doesn't feel like my room anymore. I felt like I was in a guest room when I finally got up enough nerve to step into the room (at 2am). There's barely anything that speaks of my personality and my life and my past and anything in there. And the worst part is that I didn't even know that the last time I slept in my bed and in my room would be the last time and I would come back to something that wasn't mine. I mean, I had absolutely no input into this new room. That's pretty sneaky and crappy on their part I feel like.
Ugh, so anyway, that was the worst part of the weekend. When I move home for the summer I'm rearranging my furniture how I like it and putting my stuff back up on the shelves. Maybe then it'll be better. If I can ever get comfortable on the firm mattress...
Alright well, I'm hungry. I'm gonna go search for some sign of food in our empty refrigerator...