..................
I really don't even know where to begin. I always think i'm happy, I try to act happy. I want to write about how I feel but i seriously don't know how i feel. I feel like everything has been building up since.. hell, first semester? All of a sudden, part of my life is coming together but everything else feels like it's falling apart. I don't know how I feel about him.. and i don't know how he feels about her. Supposedly he doesn't.. but i have a feeling he might. I have to take his word for it, i guess. I'm so overly stressed out
- hardest semester, ever
- so nervous about softball
- one word: college
- I don't like my school
- I don't like the people at my school
- I feel like I have no life because there isn't anything to do here
- PROM
- I need money
- There is so much I want that i know i can't have
- All my friends have boyfriends.. seriously
- I'm SO done
A small little car accident turned into me having a mental breakdown. My parents freaked out about the car, but they eventually calmed down and i was the one who was hysterical. I don't even know what I was thinking. I just wanted to cry, and i did. It turned into me complaining about how i hate it here, how i want to leave, how i'm nervous about not getting into college, about the pressure i'll have on varsity and just about every little aspect of my life. I think i have like OCD because i'm so scared about messing up.. I'm so scared about making a mistake in my life. I'm scared I will never find anyone, I'm scared no one will ever find me. I'm just scared. I don't know how to feel and i probably sound like a whiney little bitch who complains about her life. Yeah... I'm fortunate i've grown up on Cape Cod.. i'm lucky about how fortunate i am in my life. i know i have everything i could ever dream of. I'm thankful for my parents.. i really am. I think i'm just scared about what the future will bring. I want to get away but i think i'm scared to death about leaving. I don't even know what to do. I think i need someone to talk to, and I have friends to talk to and whatnot, but i really need that companionship that you might not always get from friends.. I don't know what i want anymore
g'night
-jessica
- hardest semester, ever
- so nervous about softball
- one word: college
- I don't like my school
- I don't like the people at my school
- I feel like I have no life because there isn't anything to do here
- PROM
- I need money
- There is so much I want that i know i can't have
- All my friends have boyfriends.. seriously
- I'm SO done
A small little car accident turned into me having a mental breakdown. My parents freaked out about the car, but they eventually calmed down and i was the one who was hysterical. I don't even know what I was thinking. I just wanted to cry, and i did. It turned into me complaining about how i hate it here, how i want to leave, how i'm nervous about not getting into college, about the pressure i'll have on varsity and just about every little aspect of my life. I think i have like OCD because i'm so scared about messing up.. I'm so scared about making a mistake in my life. I'm scared I will never find anyone, I'm scared no one will ever find me. I'm just scared. I don't know how to feel and i probably sound like a whiney little bitch who complains about her life. Yeah... I'm fortunate i've grown up on Cape Cod.. i'm lucky about how fortunate i am in my life. i know i have everything i could ever dream of. I'm thankful for my parents.. i really am. I think i'm just scared about what the future will bring. I want to get away but i think i'm scared to death about leaving. I don't even know what to do. I think i need someone to talk to, and I have friends to talk to and whatnot, but i really need that companionship that you might not always get from friends.. I don't know what i want anymore
g'night
-jessica