(no subject)
So much is running thru my mind. It all comes down to i hate being me. I'm not just saying it cuz i want people to feel bad for me or anything like that.....it has taken me a very long time to come to this conclusion....i just hate being me. I don't hate who i am, i just don't want to be me anymore. Yeah yeah yeah i know this is life.....deal with it is what i'm always told with anything that bothers me. I hate having to deal with it....i hate some of my best friends hating me for unknown reasons...i hate having to turn my back on people that i love. I hate having a good heart that doens't let me forget, that makes me want to always make everything alright no matter the cosequences to myself. I want this in return, maybe i expect to much from the people around me. It sux only being able to trust one person in your life....that isnt' suppose to be the case. Especially when my life is on the verge of making a huge change....i'm graduating college, i have to actually move on with my life and actually start living. Maybe i am still trying to live in the past, but why would i want to live in the future if it feels like i'm completely and utterly all alone.....no one wants to be left out in the dark......left to deal with all the troubles and hardships of the world all by themselves, everyone needs someone to be there for them. I know everyone has their own problems, everyone deals with their own stuff.......i just hate having to deal with the same stuff over and over again and no matter how hard i try to make things better, it doesn't work. It's like people are out to get me, to bring me down no matter how much i don't deserve it.....it sux
i should stop writting now...i shouldn't care, i'm learning not to care.....i guess it is suppose to be easier that way......
i hope one day i will be able to look back on this and ask myself why i had to go thru it...
sometimes you just need someone to be there and to care wholeheartedly :(
and sometimes all i want is a hug and to be told everything will be alright.....sometimes that is too much to ask for.....
i should stop writting now...i shouldn't care, i'm learning not to care.....i guess it is suppose to be easier that way......
i hope one day i will be able to look back on this and ask myself why i had to go thru it...
sometimes you just need someone to be there and to care wholeheartedly :(
and sometimes all i want is a hug and to be told everything will be alright.....sometimes that is too much to ask for.....