(no subject)
Well. I hate my life. And i cant deal with it anymore. Its not like i want to kill myself or anything, its more like i cant stand the way i am. I hate being sick like this all the time. I want some answers and no doctor can give them to me. Its just Oh i feel so bad, and we'll think of something, but they never do. I hate it. Sometimes i hate my parents for having me. They knew what was going to be wrong wtih me before i was born, but they had me anyways. I will never do that. I could never watch my child suffer, especially after what ive been through. I couldnt stand by and do nothing. It would kill me, like its killing my parents to sit here and watch me. Im so sick of it, and sometimes i wish i could die so that i dont have to feel pain anymore and so that my mom doesnt have to cry anymore. So i dont have to cry anymore. I just want it to end, theres only so much one person can take in a lifetime, and i havent even lived that long yet, only 16 years. If this is what the rest of my life is going to be like then i dont want to live it. I realize that i have had some great expierences in my life, but when i think about it, im not sure if the good out weighs the bad. And even if it did, would it really matter to me?
My parents wanted to have me admitted to the hospital again for tomorrow and Friday. Im getting some test thing done and they're scared ill get dehydrated. They're probably scared because ill die or something. What ever. Bring it on. I flipped out, and im not going to the hospital until Friday, so i guess that means, no school for Erica, and no OC night for Erica and Briana. Thursday night is gonna suck, i have to prep. Its torture. You cant imagine.
This week is just so shitty. I hate it. I wish i could be reincarnated in someone elses body and start over again. Funny thing is, i dont believe in god. So how can reincarnation happen for me?