This made me feel better. And i wish i could tell him some of the things i cant say to his face.
Megan: ericca
Meeeeeee: hi
Megan: whats going onn
Meeeeeee: nothin
Meeeeeee: g
Megan: what was yesterday all about..
Meeeeeee: i dont want to talk about it
Meeeeeee: if you cant guess from my profile...
Megan: its him isnt it
Meeeeeee: yeah
Megan: well i thought you were fine with it at first
Meeeeeee: yeah well i lied
Meeeeeee: because everything is terrible
Megan: ok well first off..please tell me that you didnt do anything stupid after you felt like you wanted to die..like no knives or anything please
Meeeeeee: no knives
Meeeeeee: no smoking
Meeeeeee: no heroin
Meeeeeee: nothing
Megan: ok good im glad to hear that
Megan: but what exactly did you lie about
Meeeeeee: nothing
Meeeeeee: it just things always are more complicated than they seem
Meeeeeee: and i dont know i dont really feel like getting into it again, becuase whenever i do i bawl my eyes out
Megan: oh alright then dont
Megan: ok..i know what your thinking with my icon..its a joke
Megan: so dont think im some pokemon jesus worshiper
Meeeeeee: lol i dont think that at all
Megan: hahaha alright good
Megan: oh wait...no pills either right?
Meeeeeee: nothing
Megan: thank godd like yesterday you were scaringg me i thought you were going to do something stupid
Meeeeeee: no i tried but Brianan wouldnt let me
Meeeeeee: *Briana
Megan: good
Meeeeeee: yeah
Meeeeeee: right
Megan: just dont in the first place..please erica
Meeeeeee: i still fucking hate me life
Meeeeeee: and i want to die
Megan: erica stop
Megan: dont
Meeeeeee: because this has been the worse month of my life and if keeps getitng worse, never better, always worse
Meeeeeee: i cant deal with it anymore and im sick of it
Megan: i know i know...its alright but doing something stupid..is not going to help you at all
Meeeeeee: i know but i just wish i had some different life and that everything in my life had never happened to me
Megan: everyone wishes that
Meeeeeee: and i wish i didnt trust certain people so much because all that happens is me getting hurt and im so sick of it
Meeeeeee: and i wish guys had feelings and werent immature douche bags
Megan: i know i know..haha well..you cant do anything about that
Meeeeeee: i wish i could
Meeeeeee: no its like i dont fucking exist
Meeeeeee: *now
Megan: you do to me
Meeeeeee: no but after 5 MONTHS he decides he doesnt want to be "commited" anymore. 5 MONTHS and 3 YEARS of being his friend, and im not there any more. i dont matter. not like i didnt him every single fiber of my being
Meeeeeee: as gay as that may sound its true, he stole a part of me and i can feel the spot where it goes
Megan: well why dont you tell him that
Meeeeeee: but i cant do anything to fill it and nothing makes me feel better, its just this big empty, black gaping hole inside me
Meeeeeee: becuase whenever i try to talk to him it gets worse and worse so im done
Meeeeeee: when he wants to talk to me, he can do it. im not going to push or pressure becasue it makes things worse
Meeeeeee: and as dumb as it may be im still love him so much and i couldnt stand myself if i pushed him away forever
Meeeeeee: i at least need him as a friend
Megan: well tell him that..tell him you need him as a friend
Meeeeeee: i mean i know why he wont talk to me. its because he thinks i spent an hour in guidence talking shit about him, when in reality i talked about what i felt and what i thought, and a whole bunch of things i didnt understand. i didnt talk shit about him. and hes so mad at me for "doing" it
Megan: oh
Meeeeeee: plus i said some things that were really terrible, and i already appoligised, but its not enough so i dont know what to do. talking doesnt do anything for it
Megan: ohh alright
Meeeeeee: yeah so i dont know what to do anymore
Meeeeeee: all i know that seeing him everyday rips me apart inside
Megan: wow this makes me feel terrible
Meeeeeee: why should it make you feel terrible?
Megan: because i feel bad for you
Meeeeeee: i feel terrible about hom im making everyone around me wicked depressed too and i dont know how to stop it i cant help what i feel
Meeeeeee: *how
Megan: no no erica its fine im glad you are..its better than keeping it to yourself and go kill yourself or something
Meeeeeee: i don think i would be able to kill myself...i dont really know i have never put myself in a situation where i would or could do it
Megan: good...that is super..because if you ever did that i dont know what i would do :-\
Meeeeeee: its just that sometimes i wish i could say things to him, that i can say to myself and to some people, but i can never say it to him. i always get afraid or something. so i never say what i wanted to. and it always comes out so bad and wrong and it makes things so terrible.
Megan: hmm..well i dont know what to sayy
Megan: i think you should ask to be his friend and talk to him still..and if your done with him just move on
Meeeeeee: yeah me either i think thats my biggest problem
Meeeeeee: yeah but moving on isnt that hard
Meeeeeee: he has part of me, a part i can never ever have again and leaving that behind makes me so sad and it makes me cry
Meeeeeee: *****moving on isnt that EASY
Megan: i knoww
Megan: just try though
Megan: but i got to goo
Meeeeeee: i am
Meeeeeee: okay
Megan: i have homework to doo
Megan: im sorry
Meeeeeee: well. ill talk to you later
Meeeeeee: ah i should do mine too
Megan: ok byee xo ilyy
Meeeeeee: bye
Megan is away at 5:10:29 PM
Meeeeeee: hi
Megan: whats going onn
Meeeeeee: nothin
Meeeeeee: g
Megan: what was yesterday all about..
Meeeeeee: i dont want to talk about it
Meeeeeee: if you cant guess from my profile...
Megan: its him isnt it
Meeeeeee: yeah
Megan: well i thought you were fine with it at first
Meeeeeee: yeah well i lied
Meeeeeee: because everything is terrible
Megan: ok well first off..please tell me that you didnt do anything stupid after you felt like you wanted to die..like no knives or anything please
Meeeeeee: no knives
Meeeeeee: no smoking
Meeeeeee: no heroin
Meeeeeee: nothing
Megan: ok good im glad to hear that
Megan: but what exactly did you lie about
Meeeeeee: nothing
Meeeeeee: it just things always are more complicated than they seem
Meeeeeee: and i dont know i dont really feel like getting into it again, becuase whenever i do i bawl my eyes out
Megan: oh alright then dont
Megan: ok..i know what your thinking with my icon..its a joke
Megan: so dont think im some pokemon jesus worshiper
Meeeeeee: lol i dont think that at all
Megan: hahaha alright good
Megan: oh wait...no pills either right?
Meeeeeee: nothing
Megan: thank godd like yesterday you were scaringg me i thought you were going to do something stupid
Meeeeeee: no i tried but Brianan wouldnt let me
Meeeeeee: *Briana
Megan: good
Meeeeeee: yeah
Meeeeeee: right
Megan: just dont in the first place..please erica
Meeeeeee: i still fucking hate me life
Meeeeeee: and i want to die
Megan: erica stop
Megan: dont
Meeeeeee: because this has been the worse month of my life and if keeps getitng worse, never better, always worse
Meeeeeee: i cant deal with it anymore and im sick of it
Megan: i know i know...its alright but doing something stupid..is not going to help you at all
Meeeeeee: i know but i just wish i had some different life and that everything in my life had never happened to me
Megan: everyone wishes that
Meeeeeee: and i wish i didnt trust certain people so much because all that happens is me getting hurt and im so sick of it
Meeeeeee: and i wish guys had feelings and werent immature douche bags
Megan: i know i know..haha well..you cant do anything about that
Meeeeeee: i wish i could
Meeeeeee: no its like i dont fucking exist
Meeeeeee: *now
Megan: you do to me
Meeeeeee: no but after 5 MONTHS he decides he doesnt want to be "commited" anymore. 5 MONTHS and 3 YEARS of being his friend, and im not there any more. i dont matter. not like i didnt him every single fiber of my being
Meeeeeee: as gay as that may sound its true, he stole a part of me and i can feel the spot where it goes
Megan: well why dont you tell him that
Meeeeeee: but i cant do anything to fill it and nothing makes me feel better, its just this big empty, black gaping hole inside me
Meeeeeee: becuase whenever i try to talk to him it gets worse and worse so im done
Meeeeeee: when he wants to talk to me, he can do it. im not going to push or pressure becasue it makes things worse
Meeeeeee: and as dumb as it may be im still love him so much and i couldnt stand myself if i pushed him away forever
Meeeeeee: i at least need him as a friend
Megan: well tell him that..tell him you need him as a friend
Meeeeeee: i mean i know why he wont talk to me. its because he thinks i spent an hour in guidence talking shit about him, when in reality i talked about what i felt and what i thought, and a whole bunch of things i didnt understand. i didnt talk shit about him. and hes so mad at me for "doing" it
Megan: oh
Meeeeeee: plus i said some things that were really terrible, and i already appoligised, but its not enough so i dont know what to do. talking doesnt do anything for it
Megan: ohh alright
Meeeeeee: yeah so i dont know what to do anymore
Meeeeeee: all i know that seeing him everyday rips me apart inside
Megan: wow this makes me feel terrible
Meeeeeee: why should it make you feel terrible?
Megan: because i feel bad for you
Meeeeeee: i feel terrible about hom im making everyone around me wicked depressed too and i dont know how to stop it i cant help what i feel
Meeeeeee: *how
Megan: no no erica its fine im glad you are..its better than keeping it to yourself and go kill yourself or something
Meeeeeee: i don think i would be able to kill myself...i dont really know i have never put myself in a situation where i would or could do it
Megan: good...that is super..because if you ever did that i dont know what i would do :-\
Meeeeeee: its just that sometimes i wish i could say things to him, that i can say to myself and to some people, but i can never say it to him. i always get afraid or something. so i never say what i wanted to. and it always comes out so bad and wrong and it makes things so terrible.
Megan: hmm..well i dont know what to sayy
Megan: i think you should ask to be his friend and talk to him still..and if your done with him just move on
Meeeeeee: yeah me either i think thats my biggest problem
Meeeeeee: yeah but moving on isnt that hard
Meeeeeee: he has part of me, a part i can never ever have again and leaving that behind makes me so sad and it makes me cry
Meeeeeee: *****moving on isnt that EASY
Megan: i knoww
Megan: just try though
Megan: but i got to goo
Meeeeeee: i am
Meeeeeee: okay
Megan: i have homework to doo
Megan: im sorry
Meeeeeee: well. ill talk to you later
Meeeeeee: ah i should do mine too
Megan: ok byee xo ilyy
Meeeeeee: bye
Megan is away at 5:10:29 PM