*sigh*
I do not understand. Not a bit. Not one thing has ever, in my life, made me cry more than this. Not one. Christianity is something I thought I had a rather clear understanding of. You read the Bible, you talk with God, you go to Church, you always do what is right, you set an example for others. Honestly, what more is there? Although I can oh so plainly state the obvious, there are many little things one must do to become a Christian. And it is not easy. But why call yourself a Christian if you are not. If you make no absolute attempt at the blatantly obvious ways to begin to achieve Christianity in any way, shape, or form. Just going to Church and reading your Bible and talking to God are not enough things to get you into Heaven, let alone call yourself a Christian on Earth. How can someone's actions be just so much different than their beliefs? Some people, I have believed to be good Christians. I have often wanted my relationship with God to be as close as theirs seemed to be. What happens behind closed doors though, is another story. Oh how my opinion can change of one person so greatly, just by one single event. One event that should have never happened. One event that I can not get over. One event that I need to forgive but am finding a hard time finding a reason for forgiveness. One must truly want forgiveness to recieve it. Forgiveness is not handed out, it is worked hard for and earned. Why do you deserve forgiveness? At this point in time, I can honestly tell you that you do not deserve it. Not one bit. What you did was wrong. What you did hurt me beyond the point that I can take. What you did made me cry small puddles, hours at a time. Practically one whole day. You do not deserve my forgiveness. Being forgiven will take time for you. I tried to make you understand, but I need to try harder.
*sigh* I figured I would post something like this, getting the general idea out of my situation, wondering if someone could help. I know many of my amazing college friends, those who I do not get to talk to often, would read this and give me some sort of advice. More of the story may possibly be told if needed... But going into details is a rather depressing matter.
Thanks =D