(no subject)
Wow, I decided to do my speech for public speaking on suicide. I was listing all the symptoms and realized that I have just about every one. I mean, I'm not even thinking about committing suicide, but it's still pretty bad. I have almost every symptom of depression and quite a few of the suicidal symptoms.
Depression Symptoms:
(X)I feel sad.
(X)I feel like crying a lot.
(X)I’m bored.
(X)I feel alone.
(X)I don't really feel sad, just "empty".
(X)I don't have confidence in myself.
(X)I don't like myself.
(X)I often feel scared, but I don't know why.
(X)I feel mad, like I could just explode!
(X)I feel guilty
(X)I can't concentrate.
(_)I have a hard time remembering things.
(X)I don't want to make decisions - its too much work.
(X)I feel like I'm in a fog.
(X)I’m so tired, no matter how much I sleep.
(X)I’m frustrated with everything and everybody.
(X)I don’t have fun anymore.
(X)I feel helpless.
(_)I’m always getting into trouble.
(X)I’m restless and jittery. I can’t sit still
(X)I feel nervous.
(X)I feel disorganized, like my head is spinning.
(X)I feel self-conscious.
(X)I can’t think straight. My brain doesn’t seem to work.
(X)I feel ugly.
(X)I don’t feel like talking anymore - I just don’t have anything to say.
(X)I feel my life has no direction.
(_)I feel life isn’t worth living.
(_)I consume alcohol/take drugs regularly.
(X)My whole body feels slowed down - my speech, my walk, and my movements.
(X)I don’t want to go out with friends anymore.
(X)I don’t feel like taking care of my appearance.
(X)Occasionally, my heart pounds, I can’t catch my breath, and I feel tingly. My vision feels strange and I feel I might pass out. The feeling passes in seconds, but I’m afraid it will happen again.
(X)Sometimes I feel like I'm losing it.
(_)I feel "different" from everyone else.
(X)I smile, but inside I'm miserable.
(_)I have difficulty falling asleep or I awaken between 1 A.M. and 5 A.M. and then I can't get back to sleep.
(X)My appetite has diminished - food tastes so bland.
(_)My appetite has increased - I feel I could eat all the time.
(X)My weight has increased/decreased.
(X)I have headaches.
(X)I have stomachaches.
(X)My arms and legs hurt.
(X)I feel nauseous.
(X)I'm dizzy.
(X)Sometimes my vision seems blurred or slow
(X)I'm clumsy.
(X)My neck hurts.
Suicide Symptoms:
(X)Physical symptoms such as dizziness, headaches, stomachaches, neck aches, arms or legs hurt due to muscle tension, digestive disorders. (ruling out other medical causes)
(X)Persistent unhappiness, negativity, irritability.
(X)Uncontrollable anger or outbursts of rage.
(X)Overly self-critical, unwarranted guilt, low self-esteem. Inability to concentrate, think straight, remember, or make decisions, possibly resulting in refusal to study in school or an inability (due to depression or attention deficit disorder) to do schoolwork.
(X)Slowed or hesitant speech or body movements, or restlessness (anxiety).
(X)Loss of interest in once pleasurable activities.
(X)Low energy, chronic fatigue, sluggishness.
(X)Change in appetite, noticeable weight loss or weight gain, or abnormal eating patterns.
(X)Chronic worry, excessive fear.
(_)Preoccupation with death themes in literature, music, drawings, speaking of death repeatedly, fascination with guns/knives.
(X)Suicidal thoughts, plans, or attempts.
That is not very good. I know I've been getting help, but it is going to take a lot of time to even feel comfortable talking about it. I can talk to some people, but others...I just feel like they are going to judge me or tell me that what I'm doing is wrong. You guys are probably all sick and tired of hearing all my shit, but keeping it inside is what made me cut myself in the first place. Keeping it inside is worse...I wanted to take it all out on myself...I didn't think about it, I just did it. I hate that I did it, but somehow, I just can't stop...it's like it's the easiest way to let anything out. Sometimes I do feel like death is an easy way out, but then I think about how stupid suicide is...then I think of all the people that fall into it and how easy it is to fall into as a way out.
Someone reported a concern about me to my counselor last week. To whoever it was, i just want them to know that I am already getting help and I'm not really ready to talk about with anyone face to face yet, but I will be at some point. Rushing me and always bringing it up is not going to help the problem. Let me talk to you when I am ready...you know who you are...and so do I!
Anyways, homework and other such things(My retard family) call.
(P.S. Allie, thanks for the collage and the note...it meant a lot!)
Depression Symptoms:
(X)I feel sad.
(X)I feel like crying a lot.
(X)I’m bored.
(X)I feel alone.
(X)I don't really feel sad, just "empty".
(X)I don't have confidence in myself.
(X)I don't like myself.
(X)I often feel scared, but I don't know why.
(X)I feel mad, like I could just explode!
(X)I feel guilty
(X)I can't concentrate.
(_)I have a hard time remembering things.
(X)I don't want to make decisions - its too much work.
(X)I feel like I'm in a fog.
(X)I’m so tired, no matter how much I sleep.
(X)I’m frustrated with everything and everybody.
(X)I don’t have fun anymore.
(X)I feel helpless.
(_)I’m always getting into trouble.
(X)I’m restless and jittery. I can’t sit still
(X)I feel nervous.
(X)I feel disorganized, like my head is spinning.
(X)I feel self-conscious.
(X)I can’t think straight. My brain doesn’t seem to work.
(X)I feel ugly.
(X)I don’t feel like talking anymore - I just don’t have anything to say.
(X)I feel my life has no direction.
(_)I feel life isn’t worth living.
(_)I consume alcohol/take drugs regularly.
(X)My whole body feels slowed down - my speech, my walk, and my movements.
(X)I don’t want to go out with friends anymore.
(X)I don’t feel like taking care of my appearance.
(X)Occasionally, my heart pounds, I can’t catch my breath, and I feel tingly. My vision feels strange and I feel I might pass out. The feeling passes in seconds, but I’m afraid it will happen again.
(X)Sometimes I feel like I'm losing it.
(_)I feel "different" from everyone else.
(X)I smile, but inside I'm miserable.
(_)I have difficulty falling asleep or I awaken between 1 A.M. and 5 A.M. and then I can't get back to sleep.
(X)My appetite has diminished - food tastes so bland.
(_)My appetite has increased - I feel I could eat all the time.
(X)My weight has increased/decreased.
(X)I have headaches.
(X)I have stomachaches.
(X)My arms and legs hurt.
(X)I feel nauseous.
(X)I'm dizzy.
(X)Sometimes my vision seems blurred or slow
(X)I'm clumsy.
(X)My neck hurts.
Suicide Symptoms:
(X)Physical symptoms such as dizziness, headaches, stomachaches, neck aches, arms or legs hurt due to muscle tension, digestive disorders. (ruling out other medical causes)
(X)Persistent unhappiness, negativity, irritability.
(X)Uncontrollable anger or outbursts of rage.
(X)Overly self-critical, unwarranted guilt, low self-esteem. Inability to concentrate, think straight, remember, or make decisions, possibly resulting in refusal to study in school or an inability (due to depression or attention deficit disorder) to do schoolwork.
(X)Slowed or hesitant speech or body movements, or restlessness (anxiety).
(X)Loss of interest in once pleasurable activities.
(X)Low energy, chronic fatigue, sluggishness.
(X)Change in appetite, noticeable weight loss or weight gain, or abnormal eating patterns.
(X)Chronic worry, excessive fear.
(_)Preoccupation with death themes in literature, music, drawings, speaking of death repeatedly, fascination with guns/knives.
(X)Suicidal thoughts, plans, or attempts.
That is not very good. I know I've been getting help, but it is going to take a lot of time to even feel comfortable talking about it. I can talk to some people, but others...I just feel like they are going to judge me or tell me that what I'm doing is wrong. You guys are probably all sick and tired of hearing all my shit, but keeping it inside is what made me cut myself in the first place. Keeping it inside is worse...I wanted to take it all out on myself...I didn't think about it, I just did it. I hate that I did it, but somehow, I just can't stop...it's like it's the easiest way to let anything out. Sometimes I do feel like death is an easy way out, but then I think about how stupid suicide is...then I think of all the people that fall into it and how easy it is to fall into as a way out.
Someone reported a concern about me to my counselor last week. To whoever it was, i just want them to know that I am already getting help and I'm not really ready to talk about with anyone face to face yet, but I will be at some point. Rushing me and always bringing it up is not going to help the problem. Let me talk to you when I am ready...you know who you are...and so do I!
Anyways, homework and other such things(My retard family) call.
(P.S. Allie, thanks for the collage and the note...it meant a lot!)