Snapshot
Again, I feel a need to write down what's happening now. Who I am, what I think, what I dream of. So that the person in which I'm going to turn could remember something of now. Because I feel that now is important.
First, about adults. I've communicated with lots of them in past 10 days and it strucks me to see that a whole lot of them is really depressed with life. Not that they sit and drink, no. But they like to complain, to speak of how the world is worse then it's been, the kids are rude and there are only assholes in the government. Well, maybe that is so, but what's the point of talking this much of it?
And it's kind of scary, because a) I obviously don't want to become that myself and b) In past few months I got more angry with people and tired with life than I ever got before. Now, after few weeks of rest it almost gone and I want to change the world again, but still. I feel that I may become this depressed adult if I won't fight it. I think it's really worth fighting, thought.
Because you know, I'm kind of happy now and intent to be so in future.
But being happy takes a great effort, as it turns out.
Second, here comes future. The plan is: to live with the person, whom I love, to study things I want to be good at, to do job(s?) which I like and which hopefully bring some money, to dance swing and to fight with myself every day. It doesn't sound scary when described so, but it somehow is scary.
I also have a couple of ambitious projects which seem impossible. Well, in a challenging way:)
Then, about fighting. I don't think one can be really happy without ever fighting himself. There are so many pathetic things in people's nature. Lazyness, whining, spinelessness, etc. It disgusts me to see to much of those in other people, and I really hate it in myself. And fight yourself is kind of hard. But fun too:)
And the last, I think I've found my definition of happiness.
Its when you can look back on your past self 1, 2, 5 years ago and say "See? All like you wanted it to be. And you were afraid, silly little girl."
First, about adults. I've communicated with lots of them in past 10 days and it strucks me to see that a whole lot of them is really depressed with life. Not that they sit and drink, no. But they like to complain, to speak of how the world is worse then it's been, the kids are rude and there are only assholes in the government. Well, maybe that is so, but what's the point of talking this much of it?
And it's kind of scary, because a) I obviously don't want to become that myself and b) In past few months I got more angry with people and tired with life than I ever got before. Now, after few weeks of rest it almost gone and I want to change the world again, but still. I feel that I may become this depressed adult if I won't fight it. I think it's really worth fighting, thought.
Because you know, I'm kind of happy now and intent to be so in future.
But being happy takes a great effort, as it turns out.
Second, here comes future. The plan is: to live with the person, whom I love, to study things I want to be good at, to do job(s?) which I like and which hopefully bring some money, to dance swing and to fight with myself every day. It doesn't sound scary when described so, but it somehow is scary.
I also have a couple of ambitious projects which seem impossible. Well, in a challenging way:)
Then, about fighting. I don't think one can be really happy without ever fighting himself. There are so many pathetic things in people's nature. Lazyness, whining, spinelessness, etc. It disgusts me to see to much of those in other people, and I really hate it in myself. And fight yourself is kind of hard. But fun too:)
And the last, I think I've found my definition of happiness.
Its when you can look back on your past self 1, 2, 5 years ago and say "See? All like you wanted it to be. And you were afraid, silly little girl."